Crimson Regret
by Black Angel of Destruction
Summary: Completed with Alt End! Sequel to Dark Crimson Rivers Yugi and Ryou are together with their yamis. When two new arrivals come they took an interest in the yamis. Will Yugi and Ryou go back to what they used to do? Maybe this time they might go through wit
1. Chapter I: Beginnings

Crimson Regret 

Summary: Sequel to Dark Crimson Rivers Yugi and Ryou are together with their yamis. When two new arrivals come they took an interest in the yamis. Will Yugi and Ryou go back to what they used to do? Maybe this time they might go through with suicide.

Black Angel of Destruction: Since you people liked Dark Crimson Rivers I decided to do a sequel. This time it's double the angst and double the psychological! Thanks people!

Part I: Beginnings

Ryou's POV

It's such a perfect day. I never thought a day would be perfect in my life and yet here it is. I have friends and my boyfriend. I looked around the kitchen and the knives. Only a few moths ago they would've been useful. But not today I have a reason to live. I can feel myself almost restored to the way I used to be.

I laugh as I think of what Bakura said to me if I ever thought about suicide myself again.

Flashback%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

I was walking back while getting groceries because Bakura insisted that he'd clean the house. I wondered why he didn't go to the grocery store. I think I heard him say something about evil cashiers or something. Ah whatever.

I walked into the house as I reached it. I saw the house almost spotless except for the…razor blades that I hid around the house. How'd he…

"You think about touching one of those I'll knock you out," I heard Bakura say from behind me. "And if you think about killing yourself I'll bring you back to life and make you immortal."

End Flashback%%%%%%%%%%%%%

I've always wondered what he did with them. Well I can't look for them now I have to get to school, which I think Bakura already left for. I found that kinda weird. He'd usually walk with me in case I would 'accidentally' stand in the middle of the street and kill myself. Maybe he trusts me now to go on my own. Oh well even if it wasn't on purpose he wouldn't believe me anyways.

I wonder why he left early. He didn't tell me. Is he seeing someone else? I shook my head. He promised he wouldn't leave me. I'm so untrusting if something goes amiss. But I guess it's because I'm not used to it. Now I'm being selfish. He can go with whomever he wants. If he wanted to leave me then he should just say so right? Argh, what am I thinking, he's always honest and very blunt. I wouldn't exactly say honest but he was always honest with his feelings when I first met him. He beat me until I was unconscious. During that time I had always wished for him to accidentally kill me. Then when it was over I realized that he couldn't live without me and yet I could. He's afraid to lose a part of himself or something.

Me? I don't mind. It's the people who drive me to do things I sometimes wish I wouldn't do but I can't help it. I sighed as I reached the school. I guess I was so lost in thought that I didn't noticed I arrived. I know I'm not early. I'll just find my class and sit down. I made it in the room and saw that Yugi was already there. But what shocked me was that he was twiddling a knife in his hands. He looked at me.

"Hey Ryou, how's your morning?" Yugi asked with the same smile on his face. I just smiled back.

"It's fine. I thought you and Yami would be here?" I answered.

"Oh, he's showing a new girl around campus. So he wasn't able to watch me if I just stand in the middle of the road and let a car run me over. Can you believe I was seriously thinking about it!" He laughed. I joined in too. I was considering the idea too. I guess our old selves must still crave for the blade across our skins. I've craved it for a while. I can see why he was twiddling the knife in his hands.

"Ow," Yugi hissed taking me out of my thoughts. I saw that one of his fingers was bleeding. Now I wanted to do that too. My hand itched to grab the knife and self-mutilate like there was no tomorrow. But I didn't give into my urges. I took deep breaths to calm myself. I wonder why I felt like this all of a sudden. Is it because Bakura decided to change the routine? No, I don't think so. Maybe my mind isn't receiving the same ecstasy it had? I shook my head. It wasn't it.

I heard the door to the classroom open. I saw Yami and Bakura backing inside as if someone was after them. I wanted to laugh but I couldn't. They both were going to turn around. I saw Yugi quickly stuff the knife in his backpack. Seems like Yami didn't want him with one either.

"Tomb robber, remind me never to volunteer again. Do you think they'll leave us alone?" Yami said to Bakura.

"They're very persistent. I wonder how they knew us. I heard the headmaster say they chose us specifically," Bakura said.

"Who'll leave you alone?" Yugi said surprising the two of them, "The two girls you both were showing around campus on their first day?"

"Yes," Yami said sitting in the chair in front of Yugi since he was in the window seat. Bakura sat next to me. I just stared at my desk. I was aware of the conversation Yami and Yugi were having. I didn't want to listen. I was just thinking.

"Ryou, is something wrong?" I heard Bakura ask. I shook my head.

"No, everything's find Bakura." I answered smiling at him. I couldn't tell if it was real or not. Somehow I get the feeling that something would go wrong. I don't know why. I hate unanswered problems.

"Sure doesn't seem like it. Are you sure you're not sick?" I nodded my head. I'm not sick. I know I'm not. It's something else.

---------------------------------------------

The day went by without a hitch. I spent it most of the time alone. Bakura was somewhere else showing one of the new girls around. Couldn't she find it herself? I doubt she needed Bakura's help. What am I saying? She's new, and besides Bakura wouldn't leave me that quickly would he? Damn seeds of doubt are already planted in my head after a few hours. Oh well. He could hang out with whomever he wants. I shouldn't be jealous or anything.

I crossed the street completely oblivious to the world around me. I didn't feel like being in reality at the moment. My feet are familiar with the route so it'll take me home directly. Horns honking snapped me back. I saw headlights heading straight for me. My body was frozen to the spot. Then someone pulled on my sleeve making me move out of the way. I think I heard the driver curse at me. Whatever. He should've at least slowed down.

"Ryou, how dare you," I heard Yugi's voice say to me. I turned to him. So he was the one who pulled me out of the way.

"How dare I what?" I asked amused.

"How dare you let someone else try to kill you."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"If you want to die, at least do it right."

"Expert?"

"Yeah, you know it. Care to join me for a visit to the cemetery?"

"Who's grave are we visiting?"

"No one. I just wanted to walk around there to congratulate everyone to the fact that they're fortunate."

"Oh, I guess I'll join you too."

Somehow I believe he's right. Everyone that's died, are fortunate.

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Black Angel of Destruction: Well there's chapter I hope you all like it! The angsty stuff will come in probably chapter III.

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	2. Chapter II: The Next Day

Crimson Regret

Response to reviewers:

QueenofGames: I"ve updated! Thanks!

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Chapter II: The Next Day

Yugi's POV

Well what a surprise. I'm still alive. I never thought I'd live this long. At least I still have something to go for in life. Though I'm always tempted to grab a knife and stab myself. Well Yami found all my razors and blades and tossed them into the Shadow Realm. Kinda sucks. But he never sent all of them to the shadows. I picked one up right under his nose. Jealous aren't ya? There was something very special about this blade.

My mother left it to me. I don't know exactly what happened but I'm happy. She's so fortunate. But anyways, that wasn't the only reason it was special. The other reason is it's because it's sharp. It may be thin and not all that looking but it was useful. I was surprised Yami found it. Well I hid it from him in the same spot he found it. I can't believe he would send my most precious personal belonging to the shadows. Oh well, it's in my possession now.

I twiddled with it. It was fun. There were a few times where I almost cut myself. But it never actually did. I never bothered with the fact that Yami was showing someone else around school. It was only school business. I never cared. That is I found out the 'girl' specifically chose him. Now that, I find suspicious. So I came to class early and just sat twiddling with my blade. Mother's dead, so it's mine now. Cruel, I know, but hey you can't blame me she's dead, unless it was actually my fault then you could blame me. I saw Ryou enter. I didn't bother to hide it from him because I know he won't stop me. Lord knows he wants to do it too. I saw longing in his eyes to snatch the blade and self-mutilate like there's no tomorrow. I guess the both of us haven't changed a bit. I didn't give it to him because he could lose control and Bakura would find out.

Then it was interesting as I walked along the streets of Domino. I didn't think much of it at first because I didn't see who it was. But when I heard someone say a white-haired person I immediately came to see for myself who was about to get hit in an unfortunate accident. I saw Ryou just standing there like a deer caught in headlights. I pulled his shocked ass out of the road and began scolding him. How dare he let himself almost get killed by someone else. If he wants to die he should do it himself.

I asked him to go with me to the cemetery. I say old chap it was an interesting visit. Seemed like the old eerie wind was like giving the full effect of something terrible is about to go on. Oh yeah something terrible did go wrong. A gang thought it would be funny to 'try' and scare us to 'death' out of their territory. Hey, they thought we were stupid. Since that plan didn't work they decided to beat us up for trespassing. Well isn't that fun?

Of course after they – I mean we – were finished we calmly walked out after checking to see if they were fortunate enough to die by our wimpy shots. They weren't. At least that was good; otherwise we would've been put on trial for murder. Hey it was a case of self-defense. We had no other choice. That would've been a good case.

Today had been a bummer. If I ever hear that girl's name again I'm going to chop someone's tongue off. You're wondering whom I'm talking about right? Well, I'll tell you. Her name's Aya. Let me tell you here voice is annoying. I wish I could rip out her vocal chords. But then Yami wouldn't approve. You know she reminds me of Anzu. Heh I'm lucky she finally was able to raise enough money to go to that dance school she always wanted to go to in America. It's not like he'll care if I slit my throat in front of him. He wouldn't be able to stop me in time. Even after being on 'probation' I still think of it, the feel of the cool blade across my skin, the adrenaline that comes with it. Yes such a refreshing feeling. Thinking about it makes me very eager to grab my knife and damage my healing skin. Scars were still visible. After all it's been only months.

Plus it was just another afternoon of loneliness. Two days in a row. How is that?

Lonely, I'm mister lonely…

Ah screw it. Maybe I could have fun grabbing some pictures of me, and throw some darts at them. Yeah that'll amuse me for now. Hey they said that a picture is like your soul or something. So then I'm also hurting myself when I stab my picture right? Nah I don't believe in that. One time I burned one of my pictures and I didn't even feel like I was burning. Oh well at least Yami would see how much I still hate myself and that he should find someone else to be with. Heh, like that'll ever happen. You know, I think it's already happening.

Well time for darts!

-------------------------------------

It was B-O-R-I-N-G!

I've gone at about ten million rounds, not really, of darts! Yami still hasn't come home yet. Could he be somewhere without me? Nah, he would've told me. The last thing I remember is that he said he would show Aya around town. Now that is interesting. Maybe if I walked around town I could spot them and see what the hell they're up to. Yeah.

I threw my last dart and saw that it landed right where my heart was. Hmm…my emotions aren't there anymore. I think they aren't. Has Yami been using his shadow magic this whole time? He was just showing me fake emotions? Ah whatever. I'm going to go somewhere and walk around. If I die in some unfortunate accident I'm going to haunt whoever the hell killed me and make him apologize, but I can't let them apologize too early, I wanna have some fun first.

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Black Angel of Destruction: Don worry ppl. If you wanted longer chapters it'll begin in the next chapter. I'll write as much as I can!

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	3. Chapter III: Lonely

Crimson Regret

Response to reviewers:

Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru: I'm glad you like. Thanks!

Yamishadowcat: Thanks!

QueenOfGames2: Thanks!

Chapter III: Lonely

Ryou's POV

Ah what a lovely day. No school, a Saturday, and…no one to spend it with. This whole week, and I haven't seen Bakura that much. Is he forgetting about me already? Heh, it's so funny. I might die of laughing too hard. Oh well at least the 'expert', Yugi, told me everything I need to know. Well guess what I almost got into a few more car accidents this week. Proud of me aren't ya? Well it just so happens Yugi happened to be passing by every time. It's so funny. It makes me laugh. I'm laughing right now.

Ah who am I trying to kid? It doesn't matter; nothing ever really mattered anyways. Maybe I should do what Yugi did. Yeah throw some darts on my picture, if I could find one that is. I think I burned them all when I was seriously in deep, deep depression. That sucks, maybe I can throw them at Bakura. I remember before he said he could take pain. Maybe he'll be a good target practice. Hmm…not a bad idea.

Oh but then I might make him mad. I better start cooking something. I'm kinda hungry.

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Lonely, I'm mister lonely…

Dammit Yugi got that part of the song stuck in my head. How dare he. I'm going to kill whoever wrote that song. Yes, I'm going to murder them brutally. I'll slice the neck, stab the chest in different places, light it on fire, shoot arrows then bullets, oh yeah and hammer them down to the ground. Heh, heh…

None of you people better question my sanity!

I'm so going crazy. I think I saw elephants flying in the sky. Hey is the sky pink? Or is it purple? Eh, whatever, I don't care. Hmph. I sighed. What the hell am I doing anyways? It's a Monday. A really, really sucky Monday. Why didn't the weekend be three days instead of two? That way we could all start on Tuesday.

Whatever. I better start getting ready for school. Sitting in bed and still in pajamas isn't doing very well. I have a feeling it's going to be a shitty day.

Okay walking to school is kinda awkward today. Why? I'll tell you why.

Bakura is actually here! He's actually walking with me today. Can you believe that? Can ya? Can ya? Did he hear about my week of accidentally meeting with a close death call? Did Yugi tell him? No I don't think so. If he did I would tell Yami about his 'knife'. I don't care if it was a gift. I took a deep breath and voiced my question.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. I think I made it sound like I didn't want him here.

"What, I can't be here?" he said back. I didn't even hear a sound of hurt in his voice at all. Could it be he didn't want to be here but is just doing this because he doesn't want me to do anything drastic? Like jumping off the balcony? Hmm…that didn't seem too bad of an idea to do right now.

"Just wonderin, I mean who would want to be with a weakling that stood in the middle of the street like a deer caught in headlights because he was about to get run over by a car three times a day last week after school." Oh, I think my mind took control. Bad mind; must punish. Must punish. Note to self, hit head twenty five times on the wall. Yeah, that should do it. I then noticed he stopped walking. I was a few steps ahead. I looked back at him and placed out a laugh.

"Don't listen to me. I think my mouth ran away with my mind. I think it's because of the time I fell down the stairs a couple times this weekend." I said then began walking again. Damn my mind slipped again. I then turned around to face him. What is it now?

"You're not trying to tell me you're hurting yourself again are you? Because right now I'm not believing a word you're saying," Bakura said. Well, well… Actually I was telling the truth.

"Whatever. None of it was intentional I assure you. If it was I would be dead already. And then you'd be mourning for an hour and say you need to get over it. Then you forget. It's that simple."

"Words mean nothing." He responded before walking ahead. What a good statement. Then he should actually believe his own words because I don't believe anything he says either.

-----------------------------------

Ah the wonders of Home Ec. class. I get to play with knives; I get to play with knives. And you don't so get over it. I love chopping vegetables. Oh, remember kiddies eat your fruits and veggies so you'll grow strong. If you don't that's okay too. Right now I'm partnered up with Yugi. Bakura was partnered up with Taki. That sly, conniving little bitch! Excuse me please. But she's the one Bakura's been showing around the whole last week. Oh well Bakura could hang out with whoever he wants. I have better things to do than to stay with him as he whispers false words of love to me. Like he said,

"Words mean nothing."

That's because they don't.

"Ryou?" I heard Yugi call me. I turned to face him.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Can I play?" Play? What does he mean?

"Sure." I hesitantly said.

He placed the sharp end of the kitchen knife over the back of my hand and slashed. I dropped my knife in turn and grabbed the towel. I had to stop the bleeding. Yugi, the expert and my hero, cut a little too deep. Just the way I like it. I can tell you people, I've missed it. I'm not afraid to admit it. No one noticed, especially Bakura and Yami. That was a relief.

"Thanks Yugi," I said smiling in his direction.

"Your welcome, Ryou. I knew you needed it," he answered smiling at me too.

I walked to the teacher and explained that I wasn't watching where I was cutting and accidentally cut the wrong thing, which is the slash at the back of my hand. I went straight to the nurse's office smiling a real smile the whole way.

That was a relief. I can't believe I've lasted this long without doing anything. Oh yeah, I was being distracted with 'false security', sarcasm intended. Now I wonder, is Yugi doing what I think he's doing?

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Oh my god! You'll never guess what I did! C'mon, guess. Alright, alright I'll tell you. Okay I've just started cutting again. Big news ain't it? Haha, I'm just joking. Actually I've only done one cut. Ever since that incident last week with Yugi I've decided to slowly start again so Bakura wouldn't notice. Plus, I've started eating less and less. I think food was just a waste of time. That was exactly why two weekends ago I fell down the steps. I fell down because I didn't eat for a whole day and I was hungry, but Bakura wasn't there to help me up. Oh well, I could fend for myself thank you very much.

I've got to go. I think I'm already late for work. I just got this job yesterday. Since Bakura isn't home most of the time I might as well get going and do something instead of being stuck here like some dumb housewife who still believes that her husband is loyal to her.

I'm not stupid. I can see we've been drifting away. But I don't care. After all it's only been three weeks since this started and we've already managed to go back to the way things used to be. I would be ignored, he would hang out with friends. Life is bliss. I'm all alone just like the last time. And…

I love every fucking minute of it.

No strings, no restraints, which is what I wanted all the time. Freedom. I have nothing to worry about except where my next meal is going to be. I don't really have to worry about that. I know how to cook. So there's no need for me to worry. Ooh, I better get going!

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-Bang-

Twenty-one

-Bang-

Twenty-two

-Bang-

Twenty-three

-Bang-

Twenty-four

-Bang-

Twenty-five

There we go just as I promised hit head on wall twenty-five times. I think I lost a few brain cells. Ah they could reproduce themselves, I think. I just got back from work and to say it's no surprise that I find Taki with Bakura under my roof eating dinner. I could've exploded but then again I'm not part of it so I just stayed out of sight and walked to my room. Damn, I need to do homework still. Maybe I should've done it when I had break. Who cares about eating I can eat when I get back. This is so going to be a long night.

About six hours later and five cups of coffee I'm still awake. I think I'm about to collapse and I wouldn't be able to do well in school tomorrow. Oh well, without high academics you can't get anywhere in life. Like the way parents push you to be the best so they have something good to say about you. How dumb isn't it? Sometimes they push you so hard and you're exhausted in the end. They just want to brag about how well you do in school and your talents and it's amazing that you keep telling them that. No offense to parents, I mean they do raise you to grow up the way they did so I guess it's just been pounded into their head. They provide you with shelter. Heh it's so funny.

I shouldn't talk like that. I never was around my parents that much. My mother's dead and my dad is never home. He somehow finds an excuse to go on some dig. Well I hope he gets trapped in one of those booby trap tombs. It's not like he wants me around. If he did then he would at least call me or something or visit on holidays, but he's never around.

You know, I've got to thank Yugi for bringing me back to reality. Gotta hand it to him. He really does help people out before himself. Remind me to get him a huge Christmas or birthday present, which ever comes first. He deserves it. I think I'm about to go to sleep. I should walk outside. I heard it's very cold this midnight. Of course it was cold this midnight. I found Bakura asleep on the couch without a blanket to cover him. I was going to put one but then I thought what the heck. He wouldn't do that for me. So I just walked out and took a stroll along the streets. Somehow I made my way to the park. Is the park like some condolence place? I guess, I think so. I thought I saw Yugi sitting over there on the bench. Or it could be Yami because I think that's Aya he's with. Well there's one way to find out.

I quickly walked passed them and took a quick glance. It was Yami. I wonder where Yugi is.

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Black Angel of Destruction: I'm gonna be slow in updating because I'm somehow back on writers block. But I'll continue regardless. Thanks for the reviews!

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	4. Part IV: Let Me Forget

Crimson Regret

Response to reviewers:

Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru: Well my writers block is sorta vanquishing right now, just for this fic though. Thanks!

Lady-Wicca666: I've updated! Thanks!

sansty-san: Thank you, thank you!

worthless: I'm glad you like! Thanks!

AntiSora: Yes I'm trying to put more angst in. I'm trying to stop cutting too but i don know because it's very hard to quit. Anyways Thanks!

Part IV: Let Me Forget

Yugi's POV

I hate life. Don't you?

Well you might at some point because everyone must hate something so why don't you hate life?

Oh well I guess life must be going great for ya huh? I guess everyone can have anything they ever really wanted. Like this stupid 'true love' crap? It isn't even worth it. I'm not discouraging anyone; I'm just saying my opinions. You all have your own and you can stick to it.

This week is something else. I've gotta tell ya, it's been hell. Aya, dumb bitch, excuse me, is spending more and more time with Yami. I'm starting to think some chemistry is going on. If this continues well then Yami can say good-bye to his 'aibou' forever. Maybe I should contact Ryou if he wants to go to America or China or maybe even another city. I don't care if it takes my life savings I'm leaving. And plus I need a companion.

You know I thought he would reject me when I cut him at the back of his hand in Home Ec. class. But when he didn't I knew he was having problems too. My guess would be Taki seeing Bakura. Though I don't know if it's official, like Yami and Aya. I don't particularly care but when someone makes a promise isn't it that they're not supposed to break it so that way the person they promised won't trust them anymore? What's that old saying? Oh yeah…

"Promises are made to be broken."

Forgot who said that. But anyways isn't that true? No one has ever kept his or her promise at all. It will be years when they decided which is more valuable, their life or the life of another. Personally, I say the other. There's no reason for me to be here. I'm doing nothing except going through the same cycle everyone goes through. First is be raised and go to school, then pass college, then get a job, then live for another few years or so after retirement, and then you die. Simple as that. But it's so funny how everyone tries to save your life. It must be because they don't want to be saddened. They'll get over it in a few years. Dead people are so fortunate. I'm jealous.

* * *

You know listening in this science class I find interesting. I wonder do you believe that scientific studies are always the answer? Well I don't. Because how the hell can science solve all problems? Did you see past experiences? They sometimes failed and they miscalculated because they think they're right after they test it three times and they don't even think of the dangers. That is so funny when they blow themselves up.

Oh, uh…sorry, my bad. I'm just joking. Though I guess they say they're doing it for the good of humanity. But then again it's sad the plants and animals don't get a say in it.

Hmm…what should I do now? Should I spy on Yami and Aya and sabotage it or should I go over to Ryou's house and we could self-mutilate like there's no tomorrow because I know he's into it now, if he isn't he'll join me soon enough. Maybe going over to sabotage Aya and Yami. They deserve it. Maybe I might run into Ryou on the way and I could avoid that. I should just go to Ryou's; at least it would be a lot more fun. I think I'll kill some time by disturbing Aya and Yami. I could meet Ryou on the way there.

Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream…

Oh great I got a children's sing-along stuck in my head. Oh well at least it's true. Life is but a dream. Okay I think I'm starting to lose it. Maybe if I can make myself get amnesia. That should work, but then everyone could alter my life so much. Grrrrrr…then maybe I should pretend! Ryou and I could see how everyone will react to it. Yes that's a good idea.

"Yugi look out!" I heard someone call my name before I saw some stupid car that won't stop because it kept speeding. Maybe I should just stand here. I felt myself being grabbed but before we could get away the car hits us both and we roll on the street. I hit my head. Did that hurt. I felt consciousness leaving me, and the next thing I knew…was nothing.

* * *

Damn lights! Who the hell decided to wake me up at this hour? And where the hell am I? I slowly opened my eyes and sat up getting a major headache in the process. All I see are white walls so this must be a scary hospital right? I've got to confess. I hate staying in hospitals. They give me the creeps.

Of course this weird thing happened. There was this guy, who looked about the same age as me and looked like me, weird huh, came up to me and said my name. I didn't know who the hell he was. Was he the one who caused me to be in this hospital?

"Yugi are you alright?" he asked.

"I think I am. I don't mean to be rude but who the hell are you?" I asked. I saw his face go into shock. I'm not faking it, I don't know who the hell this guy is! There's this girl behind him too. Are they together or something? How the hell does he know me?

"Yugi, it's me Yami," he said. Yami, Yami… Hmm…that name does ring a bell but I don't know. Somehow hearing his name is making me hate him. Did he do something wrong?

"Okay, what's her name?" I asked.

"Her name's Aya. She's just a…friend. You don't remember anything?"

"No. I don't I'm sorry."

"Yami, the doctor said that visiting time is up. They want us out now," Aya said. I looked at the clock and it was true visiting hours are up but I didn't like the tone of her voice. It's as if she didn't even want to be here. I admit I wouldn't but she sent me an evil look before leaving with Yami. Maybe this is all a bad dream and I just don't remember what happens in the real world. I should just sleep it off. Yeah just sleep it off.

* * *

I'm making progress with my mind. The doctor said I have temporary amnesia and said that it might come back pretty soon. Well there is no pretty soon. Here's what I got so far. Yami and I are together and that my only friend is Ryou, who saved me from getting flattened out, like a pancake. Then my grandfather died and I live upstairs in a game shop. That doesn't sound surprising.

I was wondering if Yami and I are together then why didn't he save me from being a pancake. He told me he wasn't there and Ryou just happened to be passing by and took me out of the way a little. And right now Ryou is walking to school with me instead. Maybe he was just lying. Somehow I think that's the truth. So far I've only talked to Ryou and Yami was usually never around. I asked Ryou about it and he said just follow Aya.

Aya was that girl at the time in the hospital. Maybe I should. I can trust Ryou because he never lied to me once. I can guess Yami lied to me a few times this whole time I've been forgetful. Maybe Yami really is with Aya and is just saying something so maybe I won't kill myself. Ryou mentioned that I used to be a cutter until Yami told me he loved me. I find I can't remember once when he said that.

"Ryou, is Yami really lying to me?" I asked him.

"I think he is but you can believe for yourself," he answered a bit forlorn.

"Why can't you give me a straight answer?"

"Because your decisions are not mine to make."

That guy is really depressed I wonder why.

* * *

Black Angel of Destruction: I apologize everyone that this is so short but I thank you people for patiently waiting. Oh and don't worry the angst should be around in the next chapter. I'm trying to make this depressing as I can.

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	5. Part V: Wasting Away Part 1

Crimson Regret

Response to reviewers:

marble angel: I agree. I knew the ending in the first one wasn't good. I'm planning to make this one much better this time! Thanks!

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Part V: Wasting Away Part 1

Ryou's POV

Dammit, dammit. Why did Yugi have to be in the middle of the street minding his own business while not moving out of the way because a car was about to run him over? If he died I would've asked Bakura for a resurrection spell and tell Yugi to do it right this time and not leave me here. I sighed. Yugi stayed in the hospital for a couple of days. I know how much he hates hospitals, I have to admit, I do too.

When Yami was pouring stupid nonsense in his brain I was a bit mad at him for not tell the whole truth. He didn't even tell Yugi about the time he tried to kill himself because he forced him. I find Yugi so fortunate that he doesn't remember anything. But now I think I lost my partner. Stupid Yami had to come and change Yugi's whole view on life. Now Yugi was back to the way he used to be when he didn't have any friends. Well I was glad that he remembered me, well, my name only but I'm glad. Right now I'm walking to school with him. This is Yami's job but he left early. My guess is to see Aya. Is he really into her like Bakura is to Taki? I hate them.

"Ryou, is Yami really lying to me?" he asked me.

"I think he is but you can believe for yourself," I answered.

"Why can't you give me a straight answer?"

"Because your decisions are not mine to make."

You can't even make your own decisions now because Yami is making them for you.

I wanted to say that too him but I just couldn't. Maybe Yugi is meant to live a better life then I ever could. Even Bakura is happy with his second life that he has. I guess since he spent it with me for a few years beating me up whenever he can he doesn't want to be around me anymore and it's for the best. Maybe the reason he hated me is because I have a life and a body of my own. Now that he has it he doesn't need to see me anymore. I wondered why he said he loved me. I think it was just because I was his connection to the living. It's okay. I don't need him anyways. I could just leave by myself to America maybe or another city where no one would know me. I want to get out of Domino as soon as possible.

I should just kill myself right now and get it over with. Maybe I could make a deal with death and tell him or her to leave Bakura the way he is. Yeah, that should suffice.

I sighed as I saw the school. Another day of learning nothing but pain and relief.

* * *

Damn it all. I'm crying again. I hate it. I hate myself for it too. I can't stop.

You know a few months ago Bakura would've done something or at least comfort me about it. But since I'm alone now I can't do anything except relieve myself of the mental pain.

Kitchen knives were an easy access now. Since Bakura is gone most of the time again I can just get one. He won't notice. He's too busy worrying about something else. Most likely Taki. I can tell he's beginning to be attracted to her, if not already. I guess I look too much like him. Oh well I guess I better start now.

I wish Yugi had his memories back. Then we both could do this. But Yami poured some fake memories in his head so Yugi would most likely believe him. Maybe I should just hit him on the head again. Nah it might make him forget everything. I hope he gets his memory back soon. Then I can have a partner again.

Now I wonder where I can cut. I see the marks I made with the mechanical pencils but they weren't that effective. Those were the only things to use so no one would get suspicious. I glanced at the back of my hand where Yugi made a cut for me already. It was already healing. I know now.

I took the knife from the kitchen and went to my room, or rather the guest bedroom. I don't stay with Bakura anymore besides he doesn't notice otherwise he would've confronted me about it. I slashed. I did three marks evenly spread out and length. God it was such a relief to feel it again. The adrenaline, the fast beating of my heart from excitement, and the feeling of complete darkness.

* * *

I woke up wasted. I felt like I got ran over by a truck. Well I did a few days ago so it's okay. And once again, a dreamless sleep, something I like. I looked around and saw that I'm still in my bed with a few bloodstains on the sheets. I need to wash those in case Bakura decides to care and come in here. For now, I'll just hide it. The knife I need to wash. I picked it up and walked down to the kitchen, which was empty by the way. That was good. I made sure to not leave any traces of anything and put it back. I glanced at the clock and saw that school wouldn't start for another hour. That must mean Bakura hasn't left the house yet. I need to go to my room before he comes down here. I rushed up the stairs.

* * *

You know PE isn't my strongest class. But I manage though people call me weak here, I don't mind. Yugi got his schedule changed because Yami requested that he'd have the same classes as his 'older brother'. Now I'm alone in this class oh well. And guess what. We're going to play my favorite sport, volleyball. I don't really like that game but I'm very good at it. I think five years without practice is taking makes me a little rusty.

And of course people start complaining that I'm in their group. I don't care very much; none of them are any better. They all don't know how to hit in the right place. So I just took my spot in the front. I think they're hoping that I get hit or something since the self-proclaimed team captain put me there. He doesn't like me very much. Might as well give them a show. And as I predicted it isn't going to go over the net and the fact it was heading towards me they made a move to hit it but I was faster and made us a point. Oh and look at their stupid expressions they're all surprised I can hit better than they can. Even the teacher is surprised. You know the teacher also called me weak and pathetic. But look at them now; they're the ones who look weak and pathetic.

We continued in this little tournament. Stupid people don't know when to stop. Oh well I guess I just have to beat them to the ground. And viola our team won. Look here comes the coach.

"Hey, Ryou, you were pretty good there. Do you wish to join the team? We've got room for you," he said. What a load of bull.

"I'm sorry I can't. I distinctly remembered that you don't want weak and pathetic players on your team," I said and walked away. I needed to change. I think everyone looks like a fish out of water with their mouths hanging open.

* * *

Viola! School's out! That means no more lectures for the weekend. That means…I'm alone! All by myself! Yes that is such a wonderful feeling. I know that I may not like being alone but that means I don't have to worry about anyone questioning me about what the hell I'm doing. Bakura wouldn't either because he's going to be gone and I could do a stupid happy dance out on the street and no one would care.

I noticed that Yugi was walking with Yami and Aya back to the game shop. I still say he's a fool to believe Yami. He'll see it soon enough. When he gets his memories back, just watch. Yami wouldn't like the way Yugi changed in just a few months after he sees what he just remembered and how Yami tried to meld his mind with dumb memories. I'd like to see that.

I better get home. I'm starting to miss my new knives I bought a few days ago.

* * *

It's so dark. Where am I? Is this my soul room? I haven't been in here for a while. But why is it so dark? Oh yeah it tells a person's soul. But I don't think this is my soul room. Shouldn't there be something in here besides the invisible floor? I just walked around and see nothing but dark walls. I can't even see anything. I don't even know where I'm going. This path seems never endi-

AH!

I reached to grab onto anything as I fell but there was nothing, no one was there to help me and I just kept falling.

* * *

Today is just a drag. There's this stupid project we have to do. Well I'm lucky I'm not paired up with a girl. I'm just alone, so is Yugi. Bakura and Yami have Aya and Taki. Not like I care. Taki would be staying over our place, which she gets the guest bedroom. That means I have to replace all those sheets. Damn and they were really getting red too. Oh well, at least they'll be home at night and I could wash it up, like right now.

After successfully throwing away the sheets and burning them, you don't want them discovered. I heard the doorbell ring. Who the hell would that be? Is it Yugi who finally got his memories back and decides to join me on the path of depression? I hope so. As I opened the door it was just some delivery guy with about twelve stacks of alcohol. What the hell???

"Is the Bakura residence?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Sign this please." He handed me his pad thingy. I signed it and I led him to take the packs into the kitchen. Did Bakura order this stuff? He then left. Now what to do with this stuff?

* * *

Hahahahahahahahaha…doesn't that guy look funny? I think his face is a little on the short side. I swear where do they come up with these things?

_Crash. _

Oh woops I think I dropped another bottle of Corona again. I think I busted about…and I don't know. I ran out of fingers. Looks like I have to run to the kitchen again and get another one. I think my house is spinning. Do other people's houses do that too? Damn I feel sick.

I hunched over the couch in case I would throw up but I saw the glass bottles that I accidentally crashed to the floor. They look pretty. Pretty…heh…heh…

My hand reached out to one and I picked up the first sharpest one I could find. Since I don't have a knife right now I could just use this, maybe this time I won't miss.

Before I could do anything I heard the door open and close. Who the hell would…

I heard a gasp and a small screech, annoying screech mind you. I felt myself being pulled up into a sitting position. Hey isn't that Bakura? I gotta ask him…no wait I don't remember…what is it? I laughed. He looks funny with three heads. Did he always have three heads?

"Ryou," he said.

"That's my name don't wear it out," I responded back and I began to poke at the two transparent Bakuras. Hey they look alike but I think my hand just went past them.

"C'mon, you're drunk." He began to help me up.

"No!" I protested and pushed him away making myself land back on the couch. I don't need his help, I never will.

I don't need him!

I don't need him!

* * *

Black Angel of Destruction: Great. Now I have writers block again! Wahhhhh…this is so cruel!

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	6. Part VI: Wasting Away Part 2

Crimson Regret

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Part VI: Wasting Away Part 2

Bakura's POV

Coming back home is coming to be a big shock. I saw about ten bottles of beer with broken bottles on the floor. There were too many pieces to count and Ryou lying down on the couch. He's intoxicated. I quickly rushed over to him since he was holding a piece of glass something I'm scared of. I shook him trying to get him back to reality.

"Ryou," I said.

"That's my name don't wear it out," he responded back.

"C'mon, you're drunk." I began to help him up.

"No!" He pushed me away.

/I don't need him!/

I heard him through our mind link. I stood there. I couldn't do anything. I was too shocked to say the least. I saw that Taki was gone already. Maybe she went to room, I don't care. I care about what Ryou's going to do to himself. I took a few hesitant steps forward. He didn't move from his position on the couch. I kneeled down and shook him lightly incase he decides to retaliate. He just slowly opens his eyes and they stared back at me full of emotion. They were blurred together but I could make out some of them.

Anger…

Pain…

Sadness…

Depression…

As I looked at him it looked like he didn't even see me. He just lied still. I carefully picked him up and carried him. As I made it to the stairs he moved suddenly that I accidentally dropped him on the steps. His knee was bent with the other leg stretched out; one of his arms was extended with the other crossing over it. Maybe he didn't really need a self-defense class. That was partially my fault. I picked him up again and carried him the rest of the way to our room, which I wondered where he's been all this month. Did he sleep in the guest bedroom? I saw him enter a few times. Well if he doesn't like me he could've just said so. I sighed. This isn't going very well.

I placed him on the bed and tucked him in. When he wakes up I'll find out what's wrong with him. I walked downstairs to clean the mess in the living room.

I wonder where'd he get all that beer?

* * *

Ryou's POV

I slowly opened my eyes as I heard Bakura leave. I was lucky that he didn't catch me still awake. I sighed. Why the hell did he bring me to his room? I wanted to stay on the couch. Maybe him and Taki are having a dazzling time watching TV or eating dinner together. Oh how can I be so stupid?

…

Yes I know I can be now shut up you aren't always right. I need to get out of here. I don't want to stay here tonight. Maybe I could go over to Yugi's and keep him company. I shakily stood up with some stupid headache trying to make me crumble to the ground. I managed to maintain myself. I slowly walked down the stairs trying to stay as quiet as possible. I didn't want to be spotted on the way out. I don't want him to put me back otherwise I would've done something suicidal and go out the window. I'm sure my yami wouldn't like that, now would he?

I tripped. Oh shit I thought as I scrambled down the stairs until it decided to make it to the bottom. God that hurt. I need to get out of here before Bakura or Taki comes and tells me something. Now I have to get up again and run quietly to the door and into the streets. How the hell am I going to manage that?

Easy, I'm going to get up and run before someone gets me. And that is exactly what I'm doing right now except for the last part because before I could go anywhere Bakura somehow caught me. Now I'm trapped again. Oh please someone save me. Sarcasm intended. I didn't bother to try and get away because as soon as he lets go then I can just go.

"What the hell do you want now?" I asked annoyed. I have to get out of here.

"What are you doing?" he asked me.

"Hey, isn't it rude to answer a question with a question?" I said just for the hell of it. He just glared at me. Oh, I'm so scared.

"Fine. What the hell do you think I was doing?" I said.

"It looked to me like you were running."

"Oh how observant of you mister obvious." Okay I think I'm going over the line here but my mouth is running away from my mind at the moment. "You wanna know why I was running? Well it's because I didn't want you to find my heap of worthless carcass on the floor after I just fell down the steps! And besides, it's not of your goddamn business on what the hell I'm doing. Now move the hell out of my way so I can leave, cool off, and finally jump off a cliff and die happy!"

I wasn't aware of what I was saying until I finally did a mental recap. Oh shit, I keep slipping up. If this keeps up I might be alive at the end of this all. I should do something un-suicidal like. Oh wait, I know. I sighed and hugged him.

"I'm sorry Bakura. My head just hurts," I said, "I just need to-"

I felt him shove me back. I knew he didn't mean for it but I fell backwards to the floor scraping my arms on the broken bottle pieces. Oh well he could blame himself because he's the one who made me cut myself. Then I saw why, Taki was there. She might think something else is going on. If he didn't want me to then why the hell didn't he tell me not to in the first place?

"What the hell are you thinking Ryou?" he said. I looked up at him to see some hatred and concern and a plea to keep everything from going on. Oh I see how it is. Jerk! Fine he wants to play it that way, then we'll play it that way.

I stood up. I was aware of the pain of glass digging into my skin but I didn't mind it. Blood was dripping from my arms. I backhanded him and some blood got on his face. Oops silly me, did I make a mess? I felt a punch land in my direction. I fell on the table. Luckily it was wood so it won't break. You know I heard that when people get mad, they actually tell the truth on how they feel about you. But then they try to say they don't mean it. That is a bunch of bullshit! I lunged at him bringing him to the ground. Now I know how he really feels I can do what the hell I want. I punched him once and glared at him. I made sure to show how much hate I have for him, for what he's doing to me. He reversed our positions and he punched me. He was about to give me another one but Taki intervened.

"Bakura stop!" she said taking a hold of his arm. Now she's crying. How many times has that happened? I felt Bakura get off me. So he stops for her and yet when I say it he doesn't and just continues. I need to leave now; I don't care where the hell I am I just want to get out of here. I stood up and walked upstairs. I needed to pack and get an apartment or something even if this is my house. My dad isn't here anyways there's no need to stay when family doesn't want you around. Besides Bakura could always play my part in this family. Dad would probably like him better.

I went in the guest bedroom. I grabbed a duffle bag and put some clothes in. I could hear some talking downstairs. Bakura was probably arguing, I can tell. I heard footsteps on the stairs. Great what does he want now? A knock sounded on the door. I opened it and was surprised to see Taki. Okay what the hell does she want?

"Ryou, you should apologize to Bakura," she said flatly. Well Bakura can just go to heaven for all I care. I thought about my response that I should tell her to give him.

"Hmm…well instead of an apology, why don't you tell him that I wanted to say thank you for almost killing me!" I yelled out that part so that way Bakura could hear it downstairs. If the glass didn't miss, I would've been bleeding profusely right now and would be dead in a matter of only under five minutes. I slammed that door in the bitch's face.

I heard footsteps running up the stairs. Must be Bakura. What's he going to say now, I wonder? Oh give me a lecture on responding like that? Or maybe say go ahead, I don't care if you die? Hmm…that would be unexpected but acceptable. The door slammed open and shut then I felt myself shoved up against the wall.

"Don't get mad, you might cause wrinkles," I said. But he still didn't let go.

"Don't ever say that again," he said harshly glaring in my direction. Oooh, I feel very threatened.

"Oh my bad. I'm sorry, that must be a touchy subject about your face," I stated sarcastically. I'm treading dangerous ground. And I love every mother-------- minute of it.

"I'm not joking around Ryou."

"Harsh much?"

"Fine then, I don't care!"

Ah, just the line I was eagerly waiting for. I smiled a true smile. So he shouldn't have any guilt left. He could replace me. He's much better then what I could ever be. At least he can have his life now and I can be free from mine. I felt him let go and saw him go out in silence. Taki was standing in the doorway. I just picked up my stuff and left. I double-checked incase I forgot anything. I then remembered the Sennen ring. Forget it. I don't want to be a part of that anymore.

I don't need him.

I will never need anyone again.

I then began to walk towards Yugi's house to see if he got any of his memories back so we could maybe travel together. It was quite a few blocks. He lives far from me. I could get a cab but I think I'll enjoy the rain better. Did I mention that it was raining? Well now you know. I think I might get sick after this. Oh well. Maybe it'll kill me if I get hypothermia.

* * *

Black Angel of Destruction: Haha! I got it done! Wahoo the people rejoice! Hey you know while writing this I was also writing part seven also? Heh. Anyways I've been getting less homework, and they're like so easy for this time in the school year. So I'm trying to post as much as I could! Thanks for your beautiful comments everyone! I enjoy reading them!

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	7. Chapter VII: My Forgotten Memories Pt 1

Crimson Regret

Response to reviewers:

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Part VII: My Forgotten Memories Pt. 1

Yugi's POV

You know, I've been getting flashbacks of my life, I think. All of these images pop into my head. The more I thought of it the more it made me want to forget and sometimes know. I'm forcing my mind to remember. Yet I couldn't. I think someone's forcing my memories to stay hidden. I felt this dark air flow around me in my head and there was something fighting back. I didn't know what it was. It was like I was fighting for my personality. For some reason I didn't like my personality right now. I felt like it was being shaped for me. And the only person I could think of was Yami. But he isn't here for me to yell at or pester questions about. Maybe that's why he's staying away and is always out with Aya. Somehow I don't like her. Weren't couples supposed to stay together? I think Yami's lying to me. I can tell. Looks like Ryou was right. Yami was the one shaping my life.

I pretty much still don't have any clue on my life. When I saw my scarred arm I never asked Yami because I was sure he would say something bad about it. I opted to ask Ryou that is when he wakes up. I don't know what happened except that he came over and just collapsed on me. So I took him to my room and laid him down on the bed. I wondered how he passed out like that. He was just crazy to go out in the rain like that. Where's Bakura?

I better call him. He must want to know-

Ding, dong.

Hmm…the doorbell. Is that Yami? He has a key didn't he? Oh well. I might as well open it up. I went downstairs and opened the door. What a surprise that I see Bakura outside. I made him come in because he was soaking wet. I handed him a towel and some new clothes.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. Though I probably know why.

"Is Ryou here?" he asked.

"Yeah, he's upstairs sleeping. He came in the way you did except he collapsed."

"Oh, what room is he in?"

"The first room on the left."

He walked upstairs. So I guess he was worried. From what I heard from Ryou he didn't. I followed him and peeked through the door. I gotta see if Bakura really does care about Ryou. Ryou said he didn't. I saw Bakura sitting in the chair beside the bed looking over Ryou. He reached out to touch but before he could Ryou shifted in his sleep facing sideways away from Bakura. It's as if he knew Bakura was going to do that. Maybe Ryou's the one who doesn't care. When Ryou wakes up I better talk to him. Bakura got up and walked towards the door. I walked away back downstairs. Bakura came down and asked me to tell him when Ryou's awake so he could come get him. I nodded and he left. The rain stopped so I guess he decided to go without a borrowed jacket.

* * *

When I came back from eating dinner 'alone' I saw Ryou standing up and putting on some clothes. He must've woken up a few minutes earlier. I walked over to him and waited until he noticed me standing there. When he finally did he turned around and gave me a small, sad smile. I couldn't help but look at him sadly. I felt like I was missing something, that that sad smile was supposed to be something I was used to giving. I felt like I've seen that before. I saw a flash of an image in my head.

Flashback-------------------------------------

Both him and Ryou were sitting up on the rooftop of the Kame Game Shop. They both were holding another one of their razors. Ryou entwined Yugi's hand with his and lied his head down on his lap. Yugi looked at him questioningly. Ryou just smiled a small, sad smile.

"Yugi, promise me, if you're going to kill yourself please, don't do it alone. I want to do it with you," Ryou said staring at the moonless sky.

"I promise."

End Flashback------------------------------

(A/N: I was going to mention this part in Dark Crimson Rivers but I decided not to. But here is a missing excerpt from Dark Crimson Rivers. Just thought I'd let you know.)

I snapped back to reality to see Ryou walking out of the room with his duffle bag. I rushed up to him and got hold of his arm before he could completely walk out. He stopped and turned to me with the same sad look in his eyes. I now felt like crying myself.

"Why?" I asked. He should know exactly what I'm talking about because I saw the cuts on his arm. They were just like mine.

"Because I just can't take it anymore, Yugi. I'm tired of living," he responded. I let go of his arm but he didn't walk away.

"But…I don't want you to leave." I heard him gasp. I looked towards the ground to not see his reaction. I didn't want him to leave; he was a friend, a good friend. I saw him kneel down in front of me and took my hands in his.

"It's okay Yugi. You'll be fine. You have Yami. Besides, maybe this memory loss of yours was meant to be. You're meant to live a much better life then I ever could. You're given a second chance, which I was never granted. I'm sorry, I'm sure that you can find someone else who's a better friend who won't leave you. You'll understand maybe if you get your memories back. Goodbye Yugi."

He stood up and walked out the door. I just stood there still processing what he just said. I didn't bother to go after him to tell him to stop and that he's not thinking because Bakura does care. But wait, wouldn't he stay if he cared? So I guess Ryou did see the truth, which I'm starting to see. If I were a friend, then I would just let him go. It's no use being selfish. Maybe Ryou never has been selfish in his life and he just wants one selfish thing for once. I will miss him though because I know he's the only one whoever told the truth.

I better turn off the lights. Yami might not be home and would be at someone else's house going to a party. He told me he was invited and he couldn't get an invitation for me. Though he was probably lying anyways. I sighed and turned everything off. I walked back upstairs the best I could in the dark. I didn't care if I slipped and fell, which I'm doing right now because I tripped and I was near the top and now I'm rolling down the stairs until I hit the bottom. That hurt. I touched the back of my head and something was wet. I licked my finger and tasted something coppery. I'm sure it was blood. God everything is spinning. I think I'm going to fall unconscious.

* * *

Yami's POV

I looked ahead up on the street. I just led Aya back to her house. Somehow she always forgets where everything is. I think she's doing it on purpose.

I wasn't thinking about that. Actually I was thinking about what happened when Yugi lost his memories. Somehow he isn't getting them back. I kept feeding him information on his life purposely leaving out certain parts. I didn't want him to go back to that. I was afraid that he'd actually leave me this time. I care about him and I wish he would stay with me forever.

When I walked back to the shop, I saw all the lights closed. Did Yugi go out somewhere? No. I walked in and everything was dark though I could make out some things. I went in front of the stairs. I tripped as I made my way up. I looked at what was laying carelessly on the floor. It was a body. I turned on the lights to see Yugi. Oh no. I picked him up and rushed up the stairs to his room and placed him on the bed. Then I walked over to the phone and called the ambulance.

* * *

I waited an hour before the doctor came up to me telling me of Yugi's condition. They didn't know if it would affect his memories again. The only way they would tell is if he woke up again.

"Can I go see him?" I asked.

"Sure. Just don't try to wake him up," the doctor said before walking off.

I walked into the room to see Yugi just with an IV stuck in his arm. Twice in less than a month he ends up back in the hospital. Somehow I think he's doing it on purpose. Did he have his memories back and was just deciding not to tell me? If he did then he probably would've shown some signs. Maybe another hit to the head would make him remember? No, I don't want him to. He'll just try to call me a liar and a cheater.

On the way back home before I found him I talked to Bakura. He didn't seem too happy, in fact, quite the opposite. I asked him what was wrong. The only thing he muttered was 'Ryou'. I thought they were doing okay. Maybe he was having the same problem I am. No he isn't. He would've told me Ryou lost his memories too.

I shrugged it off and looked at Yugi and took his hand in mine. I wish he would wake up and not much of these accidents would happen to him. I'm worried and I just…don't know. I kept thinking everything is my fault. As I think about it I noticed that I haven't been spending so much time with Yugi at all. Well this time I'm going to. Instead of Aya. I need to find a replacement for myself to show her around. Maybe one of the other kids could show her around. I'll request that of the headmaster. And if he doesn't comply then I'm going to dropout. I was a pharaoh. There is no need for me to go to school again. I know at least some things about this time period so I don't need to go anymore.

Yeah I should just do that…

I stood up as I felt Yugi stir. He slowly opened his eyes and sat up hastily. I placed my hands on his shoulders to push him down back on the bed. But he didn't relent.

"Yugi you should rest," I said concerned.

"No! Where's Ryou?!"

tbc---------------------------

Black Angel of Destruction: There's chapter seven! Thanks people for your lovely reviews!

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	8. Part VIII: My Forgotten Memories Pt 2

Crimson Regret

Response to reviewers:

AntiSora: AH! Don't kill me yet! Here's the next chappie!

Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru: Well he'll back to his old self in no time!

Lady-Wicca666: I've updated!

sansty-san: Here's more!

marble angel: The next chapter is up! I hope you didn't have to wait too long!

Yami-loverOB1: Rest assured his memories will be back! Here's the next chapter!

Nothinglittlegirl: I've updated as fast as I could!

Yamishadowcat22: Don worry, they might all turn out right...maybe...

QueenOfGames: Don worry about it. I curse the school too for making me work with all this crappy homework that we might not use in the future.

Part VIII: My Forgotten Memories Pt. 2

Yugi's POV

It's so dark. How did I get here?

I was standing in a long, never-ending, dark hallway. I was afraid to be here. I feel like someone's about to jump at me and get me. Though the feeling is somehow welcome. I heard crying as I walked up ahead. I looked to see someone with the same hair color and style I had. Is that Yami? No, Yami never cries. I tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey are you oka-" I began but stopped as I saw who it was. I was directly looking at a mirror image of myself. No I don't mean a yami. I noticed I-he stopped crying. He started laughing. What the hell??

"Hi! I haven't seen anyone here before. You're the first contact I had when I was trapped here in the dark hallway," he said.

"Um…how long have you been here?" I asked.

"Oh, I think since I got into that accident where that driver decided to not stop for a pedestrian such as myself. Jerk. He almost killed me." That was around the time I lost my memories. What could this mean?

"Um…who are you?"

"Oh, I have no name. I'm just here for no reason at all. Though I miss the outside world. It gets kinda boring with all these dark rooms and halls. C'mon lets talk."

"Okay."

---------------------------------------------

We went through various rooms looking at images. Images that seem familiar but I never recalled. He said that they were his memories. But wouldn't that mean my memories too? I see myself mostly there. Well us actually. We walked into a different room. This door looked darker than the others.

"I hate this room," he spoke out bitterly.

"Why?" I asked. Somehow I could feel the hatred. They were towards my – no Yami's – friends.

"Because they only liked me when I was available to get something out of. They used me and threw me out. Yami was my replacement. I hate him and them now. I never will forgive them for that. Yami can't make up what he's done to me, especially now. I will never give in to whatever he says now."

"Yami isn't that bad." I commented. He glared at me. Hatred reflected through his eyes. I didn't know what to do.

"You wanna bet on that?" He pushed me through the dark door and closed it behind me. Then like the other rooms images began to flash through my head. But these images… I felt pain all over me. It was like I was there and that was me getting hurt from what life decided to throw at me. I wasn't spared. I wanted them to stop but I couldn't. I clutched my head with my hands and screamed. God they were painful. I briefly heard cracks form around me.

NO!

I fell right into a black hole.

Yami!

I called out mentally.

But as I reached out my hand, no one came and I fell right into the dark abyss of nothingness.

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I sat up quickly breathing somewhat unevenly. Everything felt so real. I can't believe I could forget myself like that and my memories and Ryou... I then realized that Yami was there, trying to get me to rest. I resisted and shouted something at him.

"No! Where's Ryou?!" I demanded. I remembered what he said to me yesterday. That little traitor better not have died yet otherwise I'll tell Yami and Bakura to bring him back. With Yami's silence I interpreted it as that Ryou was probably okay and he didn't know where he is. Fine I'll look for him myself. I took out all the machines stuck on me and preceded to dress. Yami tried stopping me but it proved futile for him because he got to me as soon as I was done. I rushed out of the hospital and out on the street with Yami trailing right behind me. I better lose him.

---------------------------------------------

After running for about half an hour I managed to lose him. I sighed in relief. Getting my memories back was a relief. Dammit, why did Ryou have to go and run off somewhere? I rushed out into the open streets. Basically I just had to find him. So I went looking, walking very slow so I could spot him. It was hard trying to stay out of Yami's sight and look for Ryou at the same time. Damn height difference.

Luckily I spotted him. Maybe that was Bakura? No, he's carrying a bag, well enough for a runaway. I ran through the crowd trying to make my way towards him. He was probably crossing the street by now and these people are in my way. I then heard a commotion and everyone stopped walking. I was finally made it to see a car about to run Ryou over. Can you tell how much I hate cars? I ran to him and took his arm. I dragged him out of the way and the car just zoomed by. Just like last time I had to save his ass from getting killed by someone else and not himself.

"Next time you want to kill yourself please, for my sake, do it right," I stated. I heard him gasp and turn around. His face had surprised written all over it. Whooptido I have my memories back and I'm trying to bring you back from reality. Not really…

"Yugi? What are you doing here?" he asked surprised. I smirked.

"Saving your ass. What does it look like?" I answered. He looked at me confused. I thought tears were about to leak out of his eyes. In fact if we switched places I would be acting like that too.

I kneeled down and wrapped my arms around his shoulders from behind him. We stayed like that in the street. I didn't wish to say anything and I know he didn't either. We both then stood up and walked over to the park going in some secluded place so Bakura and Yami wouldn't spot us so easily. Not that I wouldn't enjoy seeing their shocked faces, but hey it's what happens.

"Yugi," Ryou spoke.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I'm glad you're back."

I smiled slightly.

"I'm glad I'm back too."

---------------------------------------------

It was a relief to be back to myself. Though sometimes I lost it because I still had some temporary set backs and had to be sent to the doctor for about another day. I'm lucky it's spring break. I noticed that Yami has been trying to spend time with me. I wonder…is it because he doesn't want me dead so he wouldn't feel guilty or is it because he really does like me and I'm just not there to see it? You people should know exactly which one I'm going to pick.

Right now, it's just Ryou and I hanging out. I didn't care if it was silent but being silent around him wasn't that nerving. I was very surprised when Ryou just pulled out a cigarette and started smoking. That was different. I wondered when he started. He looked at me and smiled.

"I don't know. I just did it. Stress got to me," he answered as if he read my mind, "You want one?" he offered.

"Ah, no that's okay," I answered. I didn't want one of those. They make me cough and hack when I started to and I didn't want to try again.

You know without my memories I realized that I didn't like it. I thought it would be better to forget but Yami still did the same things he did before. He left me alone. The only time I mattered is when I was injured. I guess I have to damage myself a lot in front of him to notice me.

I always wished someone would always be there for me forever. But that's only been a life long dream. Maybe if my parents were still alive then maybe I wouldn't be like this. I wouldn't have to worry about friends I would have them but they're not here. Maybe I'm doing what I'm doing because I was lonely all my life. But I guess this life isn't so bad. Ryou's here.

And besides we made a promise to die together. And it's kinda lonely if you do it yourself. But then I wondered how I got to be like this. As I think of the past I realized it was because I was lonely. And if I was alone then I thought that I shouldn't exist and I should just disappear. I sighed and laid my head on Ryou's lap. He looked at me curiously.

"You know, if the ashes fall on your face you might have some small burn marks," Ryou said. I glanced him with a raised brow.

"Oh? If that happens I'll make sure you get ten times cigarette burns on your face." I retorted. Then we both started laughing.

Yes I prefer this life better. Ryou's there for me and I am for him. We will die together either by suicide or some accident and no one would ever remember we were ever there at all.

Tbc----------------------------------------

Black Angel of Destruction: I'm sorry I took so long. Well I've decided to make you people decide whether Ryou and Yugi die. So it could be a sad or happy ending!

Ending:

Sad Or Happy

PLZ VOTE!

Like it? Review!


	9. Part IX: First Cut

Crimson Regret

Response to reviewers:

Yamishadowcat22: I've posted as fast as I could!

antisora: I'm glad you love it!

Yami-lover0B1RAVENTHEDARKANGEL: Wow that took some time but anyways thanks!

Charmeleon: Well you'll find out. It seems like sad endings are overrated. Thanks!

Bloodstrewn-angel: You know, that idea doesn't sound too bad...hmm...

G'ma Jloran: Yeah, it wouldn't hurt to let Yami and Bakura suffer, maybe I'll do that later.

marble angel: Your concepts are right. But I might make them live.

Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru: I've updated! Thanks!

Nothinglittlegirl: Maybe I might do that...in fact that's a great idea!

Amme: Um...I don't know but they might have their happy ending.

Lady-Wicca666: I've updated as soon as I could! Thanks!

QueenOfGames: Don't worry about it I can understand. I'm having same problems too.

Amber Eyes23: Thanks!

shadowninja-yuna: You're like the third or forth one who wanted a sad ending! Maybe I'll write both endings since the majority seems to be happy ones. Ah oh well! Thanks!

Part IX: First Cut

Ryou's POV

I feel very depressed right now. Oh well at least there's some drugs for that. Though it's bad I don't care. I've entered the point of no return. I don't really care. It's not like anyone will care for me if I damaged myself. Besides when I was away for a day, Bakura didn't even bother to look for me. I guess that gives me all the more reason to leave this place. By the time I'm dead he'd probably remember me. Pft, bullshit. He'll probably be 'happily' married to Taki and would just forget about me completely because she'll make him forget me. It's okay.

Dammit, I'm being self-absorbed. Maybe I should see what the hell he really thinks of me. God I feel like cutting myself right now. In fact, I'll do that right now. My knives are in short supply this season and kitchen knives are less than perfect but they'll do. When I walked in the kitchen I saw that Bakura was cooking. Okay that's a major surprise. Now how the hell will I get it without him noticing? Oh yeah the sneak past technique. I calmly walked over to where the kitchen knives were. I just had to grab out and say that the tags at the back of my shirt bugged me. As I thought of it the more I couldn't go through with it.

Fine I'll just take it even if he's looking and say my excuse. Yeah that seems good. I walked over and picked one up. I just hoped it wasn't one of those plastic ones I replaced it with before. I seem to forget and I had a hard time damaging myself. Yugi would laugh at such stupidity. I pressed my finger against the cutting end. Yup, it's sharp. I quickly went upstairs to go and self-mutilate like there's no tomorrow. I wondered if he noticed me?

Oh well, there's no point in dwelling on that now. It's not like he didn't notice me before. Back then I was the only one now there's someone else who can make him feel like he's alive again. Maybe looking at me is making him think of the past or something or how he viewed himself before. I guess it's too much painful memories he has to deal with. I'll gladly get rid of myself if that's what it takes to make him happy. You know no matter what he does, I can never hate him. I think I actually loved him or something. Heh, I guess I'm really stupid. I can't think of anything anymore.

I guess I'm the weak one. I'm the one who wants my life to end. People say that suicidal people are weak because they couldn't take life to the fullest and give up to easily. I guess that puts me in that category huh? But you can't blame me; I die willingly unlike the animals who die with no choice. Right? I mean people kill them just for fun and they hunt us to eat. Animals do starve willingly you know.

Ah forget it. I should just rid him of myself right now. Who cares if he calls me a coward or anyone for that matter. It's not like anyone knows me. I wonder what would be more affective, my neck or my wrist?

My wrist. I like to feel the throes of ecstasy as the blood begins to flow out of my body like a red, crimson river. Besides, I don't want my eyes to bug out in surprise as I killed myself. I want to slowly look like I fell asleep.

Oh god this is all bullshit.

I cut right where I should, I think. I wasn't looking because I suddenly felt a little dizzy. Hey, the feeling is back. The rush of adrenaline as my heart pumps and beats faster. There was the red liquid clouding my vision. Now I'm feeling tired. I struggled to stay conscious. I think I'm still going to be alive after this. I tried to grasp the knife again but my body felt a little weak since I didn't eat anything today and its already night. I've been doing things that made me not realize that I haven't eaten.

I looked towards the door as it burst open. Is that Bakura?

I couldn't think anymore as I blacked out in reality and mind.

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Bakura's POV

Ra dammit I feel like strangling him. I sighed as I waited in the stupid hospital lobby for him. Most of this is my fault. If only I had barged in sooner. Or stopped him when I saw him get the knife. Dammit, but I had no idea he'd be doing this again. I thought he'd gotten out of that state already. Maybe he was hanging with the pharaoh's hikari again. I saw the both of them once talking together most of the time. Yeah this must be Yugi's fault. Maybe he was the one who was doing it and he decided to let Ryou into it again.

I sighed. There's no use in blaming him. Yami would just yell in my face and tell me Ryou was the one who decided to do it himself. That, I couldn't deny. Maybe he did want to do it. When I heard him say he didn't need me I wasn't surprised. The doctor came in. I listened to him.

"He's doing fine. Though if this continues on by self-mutilating then he might actually go through with the suicide attempt. I suggest that you let him see a psychiatrist," the doctor explained. A shrink? Oh Ra I could imagine Ryou's voice now. I had to contain myself from laughing. I saw that he needed an answer.

"Um…I guess if that's what it takes," I answered. Though I know Ryou's in his right mind I guess it wouldn't hurt to see a shrink.

"Alright I'll ask one know and give you appointments when I get them. You may visit him now since he's awake."

I nodded and walked to the room. I forgot which one it was. Ah, I'll find it somehow, I think. Someone could really get lost in a hospital.

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Ryou's POV

Damn Bakura, damn Yugi, damn doctors, damn people, damn everything!

If only I did this sooner then maybe Bakura wouldn't barge in and save my worthless carcass. I know he wants me dead. He just saved me so he wouldn't feel guilty. I thought he would never feel guilty if I just out of the blue get killed. At least he wouldn't before when he had his own body but couldn't go into the outside world because he couldn't and said he wouldn't associate himself with other weaklings like me.

Hey, would you still hate me if I always thought negative?

If you don't know what I mean, I mean that I'm always saying the bad parts to everything like relationships, which I think is totally worthless because it's nothing to pass the time with, females most of the time dumps the guy because it's a one-time thing and the guy dumps the girl because he found someone else and she starts crying because she thought they were in love with each other. Bullshit! Okay forget I said that. Anyways there's one example or maybe me hating the world. It's only fair that if I hate someone then I have to hate everything. Besides it takes more energy to love than hate. It's just like giving a piece a candy to someone and if someone else notices and asks then everyone will, which you have to give everyone.

Stupid excuse ain't it?

Ah, who cares. It's not like anyone really does care what you say. They only take it into consideration if they find it important, as an asset or something to grudge against. It's amazing what you can let out and people manipulate it into what they want. Selfish people.

I looked towards the door as it opened slowly. Pft, if he wanted to come in he should've just barged in like he did when I was probably going to wake up to another shitty day except look paler than normal. Can't help it, naturally born that way. I sighed in annoyance as he was taking his precious time.

"Look if you want to come in then come in. If not then close the door, you're letting all the cold air out." I said. Though it was already cold outside I still like the AC. Bakura walked in and closed the door. I lied back down and pulled the covers over my head. I didn't want to talk to him. He might lecture me about hanging out too much with Yugi. Heh, I wouldn't be surprised. It was silent for a moment.

"Ryou?" Bakura called me. I sighed in relief that we weren't going to be in this tense silence. I sat up and turned to look at him. But before I could face him a fist connected to my cheek. Shit that hurt! I opened my eyes and glared at him.

"What the hell was that for?!" I exclaimed.

"For being stupid." I stared at him dumbfounded.

"For being stupid?" I stated bored.

"Yeah for being stupid, that I'm assigning you to a shrink." He said. You've got to be kidding me. There is no way I'm going to go see a psychiatrist. I placed a hand over my closed eyes and began to laugh a little until it turned out into a full out laughter. I clutched at the sheets as tears spilled from my eyes from laughing so hard. I can feel Bakura stare at me annoyed.

"Heh, heh, you're…letting me…see…a…shrink?! I didn't know you knew what a shrink was," I said and began laughing again. After about another five minutes, I think, I calmed myself down and wiped the tears that managed to escape.

"I don't believe that you're going to let someone try to solve my problems while they can't solve their own and they always think their patients are crazy because they're not really listening." I said.

"Yes, well, since you like to toy with my mind I think you'll enjoy tormenting them even more." Bakura said.

"Heh, tell me something Bakura, why did you approve of the doctor letting me see a shrink?"

"I don't know, it just seemed like a good idea at the time."

I sighed and made a move to stand. I stood and walked over in front of him. I looked up at him while he looked at me. I smiled and pulled his face down a little while I pulled myself up.

"You know, everything you do, I can't seem to hate you. It just made me love you even more." I said and tiptoed pressing my lips on his. He started to kiss back. I wrapped my arms around his neck while he took control. Damn I hate him just for making me feel like I have to live. Just for him to betray me over and over again. Always making up in the end. I hate that.

I heard a gasp. We both stopped as we looked at the nurse standing at the door blushing like crazy. She stuttered in her speech before she went out the door and closed it. I forced myself not to laugh. I dislodged myself from Bakura's arms and went back into the bed.

"Can you sign me out? These doctors that don't know shit about depression are driving me mad." I stated.

"Sure, get dressed," he said tossing me my clothes which hit me on the face. I glared and took the pillow throwing it towards him making hit him behind the head. He turned and threw the pillow back at me. I attempted to do the same but it hit the door missing him by one inch.

Is it just me, or is Bakura acting out of character today?

TBC----------------------------

Black Angel of Destruction: Wow, you people love your happy endings. I could do an alternate ending but no ideas. Maybe if I'm able to I'll do both but in the mean time it seems like happy endings are overrating sad ones so happy ending it is. So people keep voting of what ending you wish!

Like it? Review!


	10. Part X: Thoughts

Crimson Regret

Response to reviewers:

marble angel: Okay I'll put up whatever ending. If you want I can post both of them!

apocolipticoblivion: Yes this is longer than Dark Crimson Rivers.

Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru: I've updated!

shady gurl: I'm glad you like! And this is going to be a Bakura/Ryou and a Yami/Yugi. Maybe with some Yugi/Ryou, which is minimal just some very good friendship.

inuyasha0001: I"m glad you like!

KNT: I've updated as fast as I could!

Nothinglittlegirl: I'll try to make it like that but if you want I can also post the double suicide too.

Reincarnated Magick: I'm glad you like! I've updated!

flyingshadow370: Maybe I should let Taki and Aya get runned over by a car. Hmm...that doesn't seem to bad. Thanks!

Yami-loverOB1RAVENTHEDARKANGEL: Thanks!

Cleoraia: I'm glad you love it! Here's the next chapter! Thanks!

Amme: The happy ending doesn't come until the next chapter. Sorry.

QueenOfGames2: Here's the next chapter! I've updated as fast as I could!

shadowninja-yuna: Hmm...I think they should to. If you like I could post the sad ending too.

Part X: Thoughts

Yugi's POV

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, I'm laughing so hard I think I might die!

That wouldn't be such a bad idea. Oh well I don't think he needs help from me. I'm sure he knows what to do when the psychiatrist starts giving him some psychiatric bullshit. They don't listen to their hearts but their minds, which make them, think other people are crazy because they don't understand really. They only listen to the facts, which are false. But I feel kinda sorry for Ryou. I don't give him some sympathy. It's not like it's the end of the world though I wish it was but anyways…

Okay forget about that people, don't get mad at me. I'm just being…me.

Well anyways, Ryou is asking me help so he could get out of visiting a psychiatrist. Hey, I told him just be yourself. I'm pretty sure the doctor wouldn't want to. Speaking of which, I still haven't decided to join Ryou on his little trip to the psychiatric office. I figured to let him suffer because he's the one who broke our promise. Deciding to go and ditch life without me! How dare he!

But I've learned to forgive him this time. It's not like I've attempted to do it without him either. But then again Yami was always around. I swear he's acting like some bodyguard. But that just makes it even more fun. I better go visit Ryou before he threatens to tear his skin out so he won't go. And I don't doubt that he'd go through with it.

Entering Ryou's house, I wasn't surprised when he actually threatened to bodily harm himself. Bakura was basically trying to talk Ryou out of it. I sighed. None of them noticed me because they were currently fighting if Ryou would go or not. After five minutes of being ignored I yelled.

"Hey!" I yelled out catching their attention.

"Look, Ryou, I'll go with you so the doctor doesn't drive you crazy," I said. Ryou nodded and walked towards me and out the door waiting. I looked back at Bakura. "Hey, aren't you coming? Just because I was able to make him go doesn't mean I can't stop him if he runs."

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OH MY GOD! THIS IS SO HILARIOUS!

Ryou is so sulking. I can tell that he wishes for the session to be over. He always glances back at the clock every second hoping that it would actually go faster. Bakura was waiting outside in case Ryou decides to flee. I wouldn't even try to stop him because this doctor is talking with his brain.

"Will you please stop giving me this psychiatric shit?! Just because I appear crazy doesn't mean I'm not in my right mind!" Ryou yelled out and stormed away from the office. The doctor was a bit stunned. I looked at her and smiled sheepishly before muttering a 'sorry' then going out. I'm surprised Ryou was still there just standing by Bakura.

Well, not bad for a first day, ne?

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Tap, tap, tap…

God won't he stop strumming his fingers on the table? It's irritating me. Apparently Ryou and I are stuck in the principal's waiting lobby. Someone found out about Ryou's predicament of having to see a shrink and told the whole school. Then the teasing got a little too far and Ryou got into a fight. Thing is he started it and I just joined in later. The injured kid was suffering a broken arm and rib plus a concussion. Ryou, I can tell, didn't care what happened. Besides it was the kid who provoked him so they shouldn't get punished a lot, but this particular kid was the principal's son. Bad position to be in right now. I bet we're going to be suspended. I'm not surprised when Yami and Bakura didn't take the blame for us.

"How could a weak one like him do this much damage?" both of us heard through the door. The principal was a loud man and liked to hear his voice so you'd know when he'd be coming. I wonder if Yami would let me send the principal to the shadow realm? I'm sure Bakura wouldn't mind if Ryou did it. Man I'm so bored.

"Hey, Yugi, you want to go?" Ryou asked. Hmm…that didn't seem like a bad idea.

"Yeah, I don't want to listen to what Principal Loudmouth has to say," I stated before we both got up and walked out of the campus. Now what were we going to do?

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Dammit I'm bored and my boredom reliever isn't here. That sucks. If you're wondering who it is it's Ryou, my only source of entertainment. I don't know what to do and Ryou's not here to provide any suggestions. Oh yes I know exactly what I could do that he couldn't since he's constantly on watch by Bakura. I wondered why does Bakura care? Is he like not going to feel guilty because he couldn't stop Ryou and would just be blaming himself? Heh, pathetic, why should he feel guilty? Ryou's the one who wanted to do it. To me it's if you want to die then just die. Besides you're going to die later on anyways. Would you die in forty seconds or forty years?

Some people wish they could die in forty seconds. God knows I would but I can't. Yami somehow knows when to come in when I'm about to die. It's as if he's invading my thoughts. He's reading them so probably he wouldn't feel guilty for what he's been doing and he doesn't want to live with it for the rest of his life. Damn that blade resting untouched on my desk was calling out to me, to my skin.

Must…resist temptation…so Yami won't find out…and burst in…ruining everything!

Ah, SCREW IT!

My hand instinctively reached for it, gripping it so that it wouldn't drop. I slashed and felt the cool metal pierce my skin. I always crave the metal to touch my skin. Dragging it across my skin I can hear my heart beat so fast. I see the blood flow out of my body onto the floor dripping and flowing like a deep dark bloody crimson river. I flicked my tongue on the blood running down my arm. Salty and coppery but still dirty.

Everyday as I look at the world around me I always thought my blood was dirty. So I cleaned out every day since you wash your body everyday then it's the same.

Damn it's getting darker. I need to clean this up before Yami comes and sees the mess. Forget it, I'll just tell him it's an accident. I took my knife and hid it somewhere in my room where he won't find it. I cleaned up the best I could in my hazy state before going back to my room and collapsing from reality on top of my bed.

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I woke up with the sun hitting my face. Damn light. I stood up shielding my eyes with my hand and closed the drapes. I walked back to my bed lying back down. Then I realized it was school! Oh shit that sucked. No, wait I've been suspended until the principal's son is out of the hospital, which could be for a very long time but hey, I could self-mutilate as much as I want while Yami's at school. Heh, isn't getting suspended fun?

Some people might not think it but I do because I actually have freedom to do what I wish. I doubt Bakura would realize that Ryou's staying home alone. Bakura knows what suspension means but he might not realize that Ryou's staying home with no companion. I would never be selected as one of the best companions ever since I'm such a bad influence, as stated by Bakura. I just shrugged at him and said,

"It's not my fault that people believe me."

I left after that. Just because I say things it doesn't mean that I'm an influence. Others just wish to do it, right? I mean I don't control them they control themselves. Maybe the reason Bakura's blaming everything on me is because he doesn't want to admit it's his fault because Ryou was right in front of him giving signals. Well it could be partially my fault but I just leave everyone alone. They won't try to haunt me when I go for trying to stop them.

Hey do you think I'm a bad influence?

Never mind. You people believe what you want to believe I could care less. Besides everyone believes in something, I guess. Or some don't. I know I don't. Hey do you think if Ryou was a great influence maybe he could make me believe that life is worth living? Listening to him I'd actually think about it but if it were someone else I wouldn't think twice about it. I don't know why maybe it's because I've known Ryou for a while.

But I know one thing, either we're going to die before the year is over or continue living the lies that people around us keep telling.

TBC------------------------------

BLK Angel of Destruction: Sorry people I took so long! I'm just so dead this past few weeks. But I guess I'm sorry to say this story is about to end because I planned it to be this long. It seems like the happy endings won so I'm going to write a happy ending. But if you people wish for me to write the double suicide ending then I will. Just tell me k? Thanks for your reviews and visits!

Like it? Review!


	11. Ryou's Ending: Don't Let It Go

Crimson Regret

Response to reviewers:

FireHawk038: I can't write the Ryou & Yugi because that wasn't the original plan but I'll write a seperate story for you. Okay? Thanks!

Yami-loverOB1RAVENTHEDARKANGEL: I'm glad you're loving it! Here's the next chapter!

inuyasha0001: I'll put both endings!

Black Pheonix of Death: I've updated and I'll do my best for the alternate endings.

Nothinglittlegirl: I've updated. I was up till like ten last night and just posted it right now so here's a long chapter!

Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru: You know that quadrupal suicide doesn't seem like such a bad idea. I'll think about it. Thanks!

flyingshadow370: Don't worry the two bitches will be taken care of. I'll make sure of it.

Amber Eyes23: I'll try! Thanks!

setokaba: Here's the next chappie! Thanks!

A/N: I know I'm probably missing some of you guys maybe it's because I didn't get it in my mail or it's not up yet on the review pages. I'll get you guys next time! Anyways enjoy!

Ryou's Ending: Don't Let It Go

Ryou's POV

God dammit this is stupid! This shrink is making me want to jump off a cliff and kill myself. I requested that I get another one, a much better one. But all they tell me is that she's the best. I asked them to tell me if she has succeeded in actually changing a patient's point of view, none of them gave me an answer. So I figured to just go through with it. Now I'm always trying to act normal and make her think she's doing something good for me but every session she begins to piss me off. And now, she's making me consider cutting myself again.

I wish for the knife, I wish for the blade, I wish for the blood flowing out of my body, and…I wish I wasn't alive at this very moment. I wish I wasn't alive at all. I wish I killed myself instead of having my fantasy right in front of me with Bakura actually saying he loves me when he doesn't. Of course through out these events I went through after my withdrawal I had always known that I probably didn't hold a place in his heart. Taki filled that place. I sighed and I noticed that she looked at me. I didn't do anything except think some more to drown out her useless speech.

Bakura had been spending time with me when I almost killed myself again. I wish he just left me there like he wanted me too. I can feel it. His feelings sometimes scream for me to leave him alone. And that was just exactly what I was doing. If he hated me then that meant other people hate me and will influence others to hate me too. It's all just a vicious cycle. So I was trying to do them all a favor and tried to rid myself for them. That way they wouldn't be blamed for murder because I'm the one who did it. They'll just file it for suicide.

"Ryou?" I heard 'my' doctor ask, snapping me out of my daze. I looked at her she was holding a mirror out in front of me reflecting me on the other side. As I looked into my reflection I didn't like it. I saw what people saw, a useless being that only exists as the way bugs should exist. Was to be extinct.

"What do you see?" she asked me.

"I see me," I replied.

"How do you view yourself?"

"Someone who's about to become normal again."

"How do you think other people view you?"

"As another stranger on the street."

"Good. Now what emotion are you feeling?"

"I feel fine. I think this is the first time I've ever felt happy." I said smiling.

Yes this is the first time I've ever felt happy. It's going to be done tonight. I'll write Yugi a note that I'm sorry that we have to do this separately. I think it's much better dying alone. I saw her smile at me. I have a feeling that I will be released soon. Bakura doesn't have to know. He seems to think I'm getting better and that isn't the case. If anyone would look hard enough, like Yugi, I wouldn't be here laughing in my head at their blind stupidity. She handed me a bottle of pills. Well looks like I found a way to kill myself without having to spill my blood at all so no evidence would be left and no one would notice because I would just look like I fell asleep.

"I want you to take two of these everyday. Don't overdose. I'm trusting you to be able to handle that will you?" she told me.

"Yes I will. Thanks to you I think I might actually be better," I said smiling at her. I stood up and left after giving me a hug. She was going to release me already. She deemed me fit to release. Just as I thought, this was going great.

Bakura isn't even here with me anymore. He's been spending time with Taki. I wondered what does she have that I don't? I know exactly what. He doesn't have to deal with me at all. Then why did he bother to save me those couple of times, nurse me back to health, and then just leave me in the dark like always? Like they say, old habits die-hard. I'm always left in the dark with no one there for me. I have just tonight and I'm going to make it count. In the deep dark hours no one will notice me dead at all.

It's amazing in what can happen in times like this. I wonder why I didn't think of this before. To him swallowing pills will look like nothing. Heh, I can't believe myself.

Why do I think of such suicide at this time?

Better yet, why do I even bother considering Bakura's feelings?

He never did anything for me, except nurse me back to my old self with false words. I can't believe how stupid I was when it's been down to me twice. Just like before. Maybe that night when he told me he loved me it was just so he could screw me. (A/N: That part was in Dark Crimson Rivers in his ending remember?) God how blinder can I get? I'm such a fool for believing everything he ever said. You know while he was nursing me back to health again after my second suicide attempt I believed everything he said. He kept telling me things. I don't know what happened to me. Maybe I was just out of it.

Bakura's words and warmth still seems to plague my mind and when he let go I was left with no flame inside my heart. It disappeared when he left me again. He didn't exactly say it but I could tell. It seemed that he only liked me when he has someone to comfort. I guess when I became useless to him he went back to Taki who was always all over him as if she needed him.

I reached my house. There I walked in. I wasn't surprised to see it empty. I'm always alone. No one is ever there. Here I thought I was getting better but I guess I just go back to my old self to the suicidal and would just jump out at a chance to die. Everything is always spelled out for me.

Like right now.

I pulled out the anti-depressants in my pocket. I looked at the directions. She said take two everyday. Here it says the same thing. Heh, there's enough here to kill me. I'll do it later. I placed it on my nightstand. I moved back into the guest bedroom since Taki moved out after the project. I could tell she wanted to stay because she gets free lodging and food. Greedy isn't she? I'm happy she moved out. Of course before she left back to her apartment I saw their –ahem- shared kiss. I couldn't help but be jealous.

But it doesn't matter. After tonight I won't have to face it again, ever. But first…I need to live my last moments with doing the only thing that kept me sane.

I picked up the blade and all I saw was red.

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Bakura's POV

I can feel it. Something's wrong. I feel like it was going to be the worst thing to happen. I don't know where it's coming from. But somehow I feel regret. What do I have to feel sorry for?

I looked around to where I'm standing. I'm standing right in front of a stand serving ice cream with Taki. This feels right and so familiar but at the same time…I just don't know. I always feel like I have to get out of here and rush back to the house. It's as if my body was giving my mind signals that something would happen. Like at the time when Ryou…

Oh my god, Ryou!

No, nothing's happening. It was just like last time when I felt this only to find that he was just upset with the shrink. I ran off on Taki and she didn't talk to me for about a week. Yeah, nothing's wrong. Just the psychiatrist driving him mad again. I thought he picked another one I guess not.

But I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was about to go wrong.

I heard noise of thunder striking in the sky. Then rain started to fall down. Yes, this day couldn't get any worse.

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Ryou's POV

My god I feel so tired but refreshed. I've self-mutilated myself over and over again for the past many hours, few wouldn't be a good word since it's already been about almost twelve hours? I wiped the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes again. I couldn't help it. Tears kept pouring down my face as I began to tear at my skin with the blade. Every slash reflected the emotional pain I've endured over the years without really knowing it. Some of them I've realized too late.

I leaned against the wall with my legs bent at the knees that were parallel with my chest and my arms wrapped around to keep them up. My head rested on my knees. I looked straight ahead at the wall across from me. I was sitting against a mirror. I didn't wish to turn around because I was so afraid to see myself, of what I had become. I've never looked at the mirror in a long time. People change over the years and I am one of them except I turned to the bad side of direction as my original psychiatrist puts it.

I noticed that Bakura wasn't here yet. I wondered why. But then again why should I care? It's not like he'll come home if I tell him to. Taki would be able to convince him since he somehow calms down for her. I wish he killed me when he had the chance. He had three chances: the first time he started to abuse me, and my first and second suicide attempt. I wondered why he bothered to keep me alive. Maybe it was just for his amusement to see how long he can keep me alive before I lose it and run away. I should just run away.

Standing up slowly to prevent myself from collapsing I began to clean up all the blood on the floor and wherever they showed up. I changed into some new clothes and pocketed my anti-depressants. I'll kill myself somewhere else. I picked up the note I left for Yugi to give it to him before I leave…forever.

I walked along the streets outside. It was raining hard. I wonder why it's raining so hard. Did the heavens decided to take pity on me? No there's no such thing. At least I think so. I found Yugi's place and slipped the letter in the mailbox. I made it so it looked like some friend sent it to him from overseas that way Yami won't open it and tell Bakura to stop me. Besides it won't matter I'll be dead before any of them could reach me.

I reached the park because there are plenty of places to hide in the mini-forests, as I like to call it. I walked around surveying the surroundings that this body would see for one final time. I smiled wistfully at the inanimate objects. They're so fortunate that they can't feel a thing at all. To them there's no such thing as feelings. They don't exist. I wish that I were the same. But the thing about being human and emotionless is that the sentiments would just come back. So I can't help it.

I heard Bakura's voice coming from behind me. I turned slightly to see his there with Taki hanging on his arm like some freaking preppy girl. If he couldn't stand Anzu then why is he with Taki? I should stop thinking like that. I'm just being selfish again. I better hurry before they reach me. I ran quickly and hid in the mini-forests. I know no one will find me here because no one ever comes around here except maybe Yugi but I don't know.

I took out my bottle of pills. It was time to drown the contents.

The only thing I ever regretted was that I never provoked Bakura to kill me when he was making me black and blue.

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Bakura's POV

Taki and I were walking around the park. She was talking about something I couldn't comprehend because I wasn't listening. My mind was thinking about that bad feeling I had. It didn't seem to settle. Of course that's when I saw the back of the source I was sure it was ahead of us. He turned around I saw Ryou. What was he doing here?

When I saw him bolt away I can tell he was trying to avoid me. But then after seeing him the feeling intensified and it hurt. Maybe he was going to do something drastic again? Well I won't let him. I gently made Taki get off me and I ran after him after telling her to stay there. I had a feeling that I would regret this later on. I just hope I get there in time before Ryou actually does kill himself.

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Ryou's POV

I examined the full bottle and wondered why I brought the whole bottle here. Well here goes nothing. I tilted it to my lips and tilted my head back so I could drown the whole thing. I began to swallow exactly what came down slowly so I wouldn't choke. It was very hard but I did my best.

I can feel it. I can feel myself slipping away by the second. I just need one more.

Before I could my hand was seized and the pills spilled out except for one. Just the one I need. I opened my eyes to see Bakura standing there. What the hell is he doing? Isn't this what he wants? I know he wants me to go away and the only reason he keeps saving me is because he has to and Yami would just blame him and send him to the shadow realm. Yami would think it was because of the beatings I went through from Bakura. It's not out of the goodness of his heart.

"What are you doing?" he demanded. I shook my head saying nothing.

"Dammit Ryou! Why do you keep doing this?"

I didn't answer and managed to get the one pill on my free hand. I popped it in my mouth and swallowed. I smiled slightly.

"You're too late Bakura."

I told him before slipping right into a deep permanent sleep. Finally I'm free of everything.

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Normal POV

Bakura quickly dialed the emergency on the cell phone thanking Ra at the same time for learning how to use it. They put him on hold. He cursed and just cut it off. Picking Ryou up and carrying him bridal style he rushed all the way to the hospital. He dodged crowds and ran through traffic until making it to the hospital. He told them what had happened. The nurses quickly placed Ryou in an E.R. Bakura sighed in relief. But it wasn't complete relief because this would determine if Ryou lived or not.

Now all he had to do was wait.

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It's been a few hours. A doctor finally stepped out of the room. Bakura stood up. The doctor went up to him.

"Your friend is very lucky that you made it here in time. We were able to pump out the contents that he swallowed. If you didn't get here sooner the pills would've taken effect. You may see him now."

The doctor said and Bakura sighed in relief. He then walked into the room Ryou was put in. He saw him sitting up just looking at the white sheets as if he didn't hear the door open or acknowledged his presence.

Ryou's POV

Dammit! Why did he have to be there?! He's always around! I can't do anything. Why did he have to help me? I was fine! I heard him come in but I didn't look at him or even spared a glance. I didn't want to talk to him. And if he were smart enough he'd get the message. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them while resting my chin on my knees.

I was almost there. I'm surprised myself that I managed to attempt suicide again after three months. I'm surprised I even attempted it again. It was said that if you did it once and stopped you couldn't do it again. Looks like I made it past that rule. I felt like crying. I don't know why. Living just hurts so much when you have nothing to live for.

I noticed Bakura hasn't said anything yet but he didn't leave. Why doesn't he just leave with Taki or something? That bitch is probably somewhere waiting for him. She acts like he's the only thing she has. Well it looks like he's been proving her wrong by saving me for no reason except so he wouldn't go to the shadow realm at all.

Tears spilled over my eyes. I brushed them off and wept silently so Bakura wouldn't hear. But I doubt it because I could help but muffle it on the sheets. If I tried this three times shouldn't he know about how much I wish to die?

–sniffle-

I heard him walk over and placed his arms around me. It felt comfortable but I know that they're just lies. I pushed him roughly away. I didn't want him here. I want him gone. I hate the fact he keeps lying and I still listen to him.

"Go away," I whispered.

"But-" he began but I interrupted him.

"I said go away, get out! Come back when you're done playing with Taki!" I yelled out at him while swatting the pillow around so he wouldn't come any closer. But he didn't leave. He just stood there at a distance. Dammit why is he still here? What's he trying to do? I want to be alone? Is that so hard to understand?

"Get out! Otherwise I'll call the nurse to show you out!" He still stood there as if daring me to do it. I began sobbing again. "I wanted to die. Is that so hard to accept?" I managed to get out in my crying. I wrapped the thin sheet around my neck tying it tightly to let the air not enter my lungs. I pulled hard at the end straps so it'll have more effect.

"Ryou stop it!" He yelled and tried to stop my by seizing my hands while trying to untie it from my neck. I struggled for him to let go.

"NO! Let go of me! Why do you care?! You don't really need me around!"

"Well then why don't you leave?"

"Because no one wants me around either! They're all liars! Just like you!"

I felt him let go and I fell back on the bed. I sobbed even more. I shut my eyes tightly and curled up into a ball. I wanted to die again. But I couldn't because he was still there. I felt him slip his arms under me and picked me up. I gasped in surprise but I didn't struggle.

"I'm taking you back." He said before walking out of the room and signing me out with protesting that I was capable. He carried me all the way back to my house. I noticed we were getting stares but Bakura didn't mind them. Across the street I spotted Taki. She looked red in the face. I couldn't tell by anger or embarrassment. She ran across the street through traffic and suddenly boom, a car hit her. (A/N: For you flyingshadow370 from FFN) Okay that was weird.

I just wondered why Bakura is even doing this. He spelled it out that he didn't like me anymore. Is he just trying to torture me again? Does he really hate me that much? When we arrived he placed me on the bed and walked out. I hate to admit it but I miss sleeping here. I could barely move. I felt very tired. I looked around to see nothing had changed. The door opened. Bakura came in with some clothes. Obviously mine. He handed them to me and I slowly sat up, taking it from him. I changed. Now what? Bakura came over and sat on the bed next to me.

"Are you ready to listen?" he asked sternly. I just nodded slightly. If he has anything important to say I can listen.

"I'm sorry," he began, "I was just being stupid." I had an urge to say 'that's right' but refrained from doing so. "I didn't mean to do anything that offended or hurt you."

"What makes you think I would be hurt by anything you've done?" I said. I'm lying to myself. Everything he ever did hurt me. He said he wouldn't leave me well he's done that twice. So much for promises. I was nervous. My hands clutched tightly at the sheets. This is so hard. I wanted to jump out and hug him saying that he didn't have to apologize because maybe it was always my fault. But I held myself back. He pulled me into an embrace. I didn't bother to move. I was too weak to do anything anyways.

"I was so afraid. I was afraid that I'd turn back and hurt you even more. So I always looked the other way. But no matter what I do I always look back because I can't help but miss you. It looks like I've done more than I expected." He said. I felt his emotions through our link. I couldn't help but break down and cry. Why didn't he say anything? He didn't have to hide it from me. Dammit why am I forgiving him? Why can't I find any answers?

I completely sat on his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. My head rested on his shoulders. Then we just sat there for a while in a tense but comforting silence. I sighed and looked at him. I placed my lips over his and pushed him down on his back. I nibbled on his bottom lip and flicked my tongue across it asking for entrance. I slipped my tongue in his mouth. We dueled for dominance and I let him take over. We both pulled away before we pass out.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for lying to me," I answered.

"Is lying such a crime?"

"In your case, yes."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Easy, get up and walk away."

I tried to get off but I couldn't since something was holding me back and I have a pretty good idea on who it is. I sighed and lied my head down on his chest.

"Please don't do this again. I want you to be straightforward. I hate being hurt," I said softly.

"I won't," he said. I bet he's lying again. But I guess I can live with it since he never promised. Still, it feels like he cares…and understands. If I'm wrong let me be a fool.

Feeling loved is the best feeling in your life…even if it is false.

-Owari-

BLK Angel of Destruction: Well there's Ryou's ending! The longest chapter I've ever written. Now I just have Yugi's ending to do! I hope this ending is much better than the one in Dark Crimson Rivers. But anyways thanks for your reviews and visits!

Like it? Review!


	12. Yugi's Ending: Sorrow and Joy

Crimson Regret

Response to reviewers:

Lady Sora: I'm glad you like! Here's Yugi' ending.

marble angel: Um...the thing about Taki, I just killed her. Anyways thanks!

Nothinglittlegirl: Here's Yugi's ending!

AntiSora: I'M SORRY I'M SORRY! I apologize a million times for that. And i'm sorry that you had to see or well...um...read that.

flyingshadow370: I'll try to put that in maybe but if you want to know it's sort of like only shounen-ai so there isn't much.

Yami-loverOB1RAVENTHEDARKANGEL: Here's the next one!

inuyasha0001: I've updated as fast as I could.

Amber Eyes 23: Maybe I could do that. I think I will! Thanks!

Reincarnated Magick: Yeah, I'm a girl. Anyways here's the next one!

Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru: I've updated! Thanks!

Yamishadowcat22: Here's Yugi's happy ending!

QueenOfGames2: Don't worry. There's going to be an alt. ending to this!

Crimson Tears: Um...your welcome. I never knew that I could discourage someone from killing themselves. It's kinda knew for me but anyways I hope you're all better now!

Vegeta's Princess590: Thank you! I've updated as fast as I could!

Yugi's Ending: Sorrow and Joy

(A/N: A little note for you people. Yugi's ending is happening around the same time Ryou's ending was so there would basically be no interaction between them. Maybe at the end…)

Yugi's POV

It's been one hell of a recovery. I've been doing things that I shouldn't. But I couldn't help it. Yami somehow doesn't come around anymore. I keep wondering if my presence is really that disgusting. Am I that annoying because I'm silent? It's just so hard for me in accepting the truth. Yami and Aya I can hear are in some great relationship.

Yami's promises sure are making me feel great. I sighed. Maybe he really doesn't want me and has moved on because he knows what I could do again and wouldn't want to deal with it. Should I see a shrink? Nah, Ryou told me the one he had is driving him mad. I looked at the clock. Ryou was still at his appointment with his doctor. Seems like I can't see him at this time.

Ryou doesn't know it but I somehow admire him. There's just something about him that I don't get. It's as if I lost him I would lose myself also. Such sweet torment isn't it? Ah but there is always something else to miss. What I've learned this past few days was that the more you have the more precious things you have to lose. It's bullshit that the only thing I would miss was cutting myself up into shreds.

Damn, I feel like it right now. I reached for the blade on the table. There was a speck of blood on there. Now that was not good. At least by my standards. I slashed on my arm watching the red blood stream out of my body. I slashed again once it stopped. I don't know why. I could feel myself being lost at every slash. I can feel myself lose to life.

Hey does that make me a coward? I mean people say that people who kill themselves are cowards. Does that put me there? Huh does it? Forget it. I don't have time to know if I am. To others I can be but to myself I'm not. Aren't people scared of dying? Tell me would you be the person holding the gun or the person about to get shot?

If they weren't going to shoot a loved one they would be the ones holding the gun but if they were they'd probably decided to change their minds. How dumb is that? Make up your minds!

I'm sorry. I'm just not feeling well at the moment. I keep thinking about death and suicide. It's such a wonderful thing to me. Don't mind me. I just don't know what's going on. My mind is messed up and I can't think straight at the moment.

I stared at the ceiling. I think I see some images in the black paint. Wait a minute…

Black paint??

I don't remember any black…paint. Oh god where am I? I sat up to see myself in this dark room again. It was like when I lost my memories. Am I in my mind? Or is this some sort of dream? Maybe it's some sort of dream. I could barely see anything. Maybe I belong here. It's so dark and no one particularly wants me around. It's peaceful, quiet, and would probably seem utterly boring.

Maybe if I close my eyes and make myself fall asleep again. I'll be back in the real world. So I closed my eyes and forced my mind to force me to sleep. Soon I didn't know anything except the ringing noise outside in reality.

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I snapped my eyes open and sat up abruptly. I looked around to see my alarm ringing. Dammit. Why didn't I turn it off? Better yet…

I took the clock and threw it across the room. Hearing it shatter was music to my ears. Now I don't have to deal with that anymore. A few seconds later Yami came in and looked around worriedly. Now I wonder why. He looked at me, concern written all over his face. I smiled sheepishly.

"I'm fine. I just smashed the clock on the wall. I'll clean it up," I said and walked over to the mess picking it up with a small smile on my face. I heard him sigh. He kneeled down and helped me pick it up.

This felt weird.

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The past few hours were…entertaining. I didn't expect anything yet…I don't know. I don't know what Yami's intentions were. I expected less.

Well if you wish to know, we actually had a conversation. A normal conversation. I was uncomfortable the whole time. It hurt just talking to him because I couldn't feel anything. I was saddened. I don't know why. I'm ignorant to what he means. Maybe his intention was to confuse me? No, I would've known if something was up. But I wondered why he's spending time with Aya? I know why but I just had to ask something. I've been imagining things. Colors I see are always red. Those flowers in the vase in front of me…they're red… They remind me of blood. I knocked the case over hearing it shatter along with some flower petals. I took a look at my hands. I was confused. It seemed I couldn't tell right from wrong, dreams from reality. I don't…know. I wish I had my answers.

My eyes trailed to the mess I've just created in less than four hours. I sighed and stood up so I can clean it before Yami gets back. He might yell at me because the flowers were the ones Aya picked out.

Dammit, I can't stop thinking about that. I fell into a sitting position from where I stood. I pulled my legs up to my chest and buried my head in the space. Why am I pondering this now? It's not important. I told myself it doesn't bother me and that…I'm being selfish for even thinking of Yami belonging to me…in a way, it was sort of true yet he was never there for me to begin with. He only came along when my grandpa took a trip.

Am I really that annoying that he'd go as far to avoid me as much as possible? What do you think?

Never mind. It's pointless.

You know, before when there was no one but Anzu as my 'friend', I always thought that that I was annoying because I was silent. Even one of my classmates said I was annoying. I thought my grandpa was annoyed at me and abhorred my presence. One night I ran on top of a building and was going to jump so I could make my only living relative happy. But…I couldn't because I was scared.

I was weak, physically and emotionally. I could never stand up for myself someone always had to do it for me. First Anzu then came Jounouchi and Honda. Finally without knowing it…Yami came. He was everything I wanted to be; I wished to be. When we separated he became my replacement. I guess Anzu, Jounouchi, and Honda found me a burden and to be boring. My mind kept feeding me that emotion. Soon I began to believe it and also thought of myself as a burden to everyone. If only I wasn't so weak and kind hearted. If only I was more like Yami. I scoffed at the thought of it.

I could never be like him.

When I became to get lonely I thought of killing myself. My purpose was finished. It was my job to have a family and friends ready for Yami to take over. Since he already took over I decided to end it but I hesitated and missed. I tried again but hesitated every time. Soon after a year, I never noticed, but I cut myself all over. It actually felt good and calmed me down and I just continued.

I realized that all this time, I've been trying to find myself or find another purpose to live. I wanted to die so badly but my weak mind refused my one heartfelt request. One part of me believed that I could find someone who would be friends with me. I thought I had to act like not myself like everyone else does so they could stay friends and be accepted. I wonder why they can't just be themselves instead of pretending who they're not?

Anyways, I was about to do the same thing myself until I saw Ryou. If I told people what I did to myself they'd turn away but Ryou never did. I usually wasn't that close to him but since he and I did the same thing we were closer because if Ryou did manage to go through with it, I would be left with nothing in my life to live for.

I laugh at what I just thought. Here, I'm being selfish. If he wants to die, let him. I won't feel guilty or anything. It was his decision.

I stood up and proceeded to the kitchen. I needed to clean it up before he gets back. Sitting around sulking on how my life sucks is just going to delay it. Dumb isn't it? Ah, whatever.

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Oh god another hour of nothing being done. I'm still here sitting in the living room doing absolutely nothing. After cleaning up my mess on the floor with the vase I didn't have anything else to do. Looking around I felt like destroying everything then cleaning it up. You know, I think I'll do just that.

First object…lamp. I took it and flung it as far as I could towards the wall. It shattered. Well at least it's somewhat gone. I took the next one and broke every object I could. As I kept going I didn't feel bored anymore. It was like I was taking out all my negative emotions just doing this. All my pain was being vented just by doing this. It was a coping mechanism.

It felt like an hour before the whole place just looked like a tornado hit. Now I think that this will keep me all night. I need to get to work. As I passed the front I noticed someone slip something in through the mail hatch. I'll get it later.

Cleaning is so much fun. I don't know. I feel like I'm being relieved and released of all my problems. I don't feel like killing myself anymore…

Wait, what am I thinking? Maybe doing this is letting me think positive about life when there isn't really any reason to. Why do people wish to live when they really don't want you there? To them you put on a mask, hiding what you really are afraid that they'll hate you for being like that.

I stopped and glanced outside the window. It was raining. What a perfect day. Yes, a very beautiful day to go outside. Putting aside what I was doing I went upstairs to change. I put on a t-shirt and some regular jeans. I rushed downstairs and out the door. I realized I just ran past Yami and Aya. I didn't care. It was pointless, everything is. There is never anything to live for.

Someone would always take everything from you without even realizing it.

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Yami's POV

I froze as Yugi's running form ran past me. I looked in his retreating direction. Completely forgetting about manners, I handed Aya the umbrella before dashing after him. I was afraid that he'd do something to himself that is going to make me regret living this second chance in life.

I'm probably being selfish but I don't want this to happen. I felt like I took over his life without permission. I felt like I was replacing him. I should've never…

I lost him as he ran through the crowd. I was going to give up and go back but my instincts told me to continue. I sense something wrong and I have a very faint idea of what it is.

I hope I make it in time.

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Yugi's POV

I ran as long as I could while trying to avoid hitting people and getting ran over in traffic. I took deep breaths, calming myself down before looking around to see I made it in the park. I sweatdropped. Is this some condolence place?

I shrugged. It was better than nothing. I walked around until I found a suitable bench. It's hard to find a good one these days. I looked around at the people. I noticed that they were taking a nice long excuse to cuddle up because it's freezing and I'm only in a t-shirt looking like a drowned rat.

Then I noticed Ryou. But he didn't see me. He was in his own little world because he was glancing somewhere. I looked in the direction he glanced at. It was Bakura and Taki. Suddenly Ryou bolted into the forests. Bakura ran after him leaving Taki all alone. I just stared bewildered. I was going to go after them but then I realized that Ryou wouldn't want that. So I just stood up and began to run back. After a few steps I fell to the ground, very weak. I think I'm suffering something.

I made a notion to stand up but I couldn't do anything. People passed by me and left me there. Maybe they were afraid that I was just acting and would just rob them of something if they brought me to their house. If they were the ones lying down here motionless I would've been kind and actually take them to my house or call an ambulance. Since no one would help me I tried getting up on my own and managed to but taking another step was impossible because I fell back down on the ground. I sighed. I didn't bother to get up anymore. What's the point? No one would take care of me and I'll just die because I was sick from hypothermia.

Suddenly I felt myself being picked up by someone. I couldn't struggle because I was numb all over. I tried to see the person's face but all I saw was nothing but darkness as I fell into unconsciousness.

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Yami's POV

Looking around for Yugi was tuff even when he only has the only different hairstyle. Then I remembered seeing him at the park a few times when I followed him when he was walking alone. Yugi didn't know it but I was always watching out for him because I didn't want anything to happen to him. I cursed at the rain because it was sort of hard to see anything.

I went to the park and looked around. I didn't see anything until I heard whispers of someone unconscious lying on the pavement. These people wouldn't even help?! How unbelievable!

I rushed to the person and saw that it was who I was looking for. I picked Yugi up. He was sort of conscious. I didn't bother to say anything because he probably wouldn't hear me and me standing here looking foolish is just going to make his condition even worse. I didn't bother to go back to a hospital. I think he'd hate me even more for it.

I carried him back to the house and placed him on the bed. I then left after taking off the top layer of clothing. I left his undergarment on for the sake of his sanity. He'd probably blow my head off if he found out that I did that. I came back carrying a bowl of cold water and a small towel so I could help with his fever. I hope that he won't be disappointed in me for this.

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Yugi's POV

I woke up groggily. It was cold and my head felt like it was on fire. I think my brain cells are dissolving. I tried to clear my vision. All I saw were blurs of colors blended together. I could make out that someone was actually taking care of me since the person is standing by my bed. Is that Ryou?

No, Ryou doesn't look like that. He'd have platinum blond hair not hair that looked tri-colored. Wait, that means that it's Yami. Damn what the hell is he doing here? I thought I was at the park? I want him out of here. Just maybe I could tell him to go. Yeah, but my voice doesn't seem to be speaking to him. He probably thinks I'm still sleeping.

"Yugi? I know you're awake," I heard him say. Aww, and here I thought I didn't have to do it. Jackass. I'd rather go home and die. Hey, I'm home aren't I? How stupid of me. I tried to speak but my voice was caught in my throat. I need a glass of water stupid. Can you understand that?! As if he heard me, he left. I sighed in relief that he actually did. But then I gave up as he reentered with a glass of water. Damn.

I sat up slowly so I wouldn't make myself pass out again. In fact I feel like it right now. I took the glass from his hands and placed it to my lips sipping the water. He took it from me what I was finished. Great now I owe him something for not leaving me on the concrete. Now what else can I make him do? Oh yeah, that weird mail I got.

"Hey, Yami? Can you get me the mail that's on the table?" I asked politely just without the please.

"Sure," he said before walking out. I wonder where Ryou went. Bakura was the one who went after him when he ran in the mini-forests, as I call it. Yami came back with the letter. I took it from him and he walked back out saying that he was going to fix them something to eat. Not that I minded. I opened the note and noticed that Ryou sent it where Yami wouldn't know it was he.

_Dear Yugi, _

_I'm very sorry that I had to do this but I just couldn't take it anymore. And I hope that you can forgive me. But I'm deciding to end it early. Again I'm sorry but I have to. Maybe I'll see you in heaven or hell or wherever if you don't believe in that stuff. _

_Your friend,_

_Ryou _

WHAT THE HELL??!!!!!

How dare he do this to me! What the hell was he thinking?! He promised me that we'd actually die together. That selfish jackass! I crunched up the paper and threw it across to the trash. So that's what he was doing in the park. God I can't believe him! I covered my hands over my face in frustration. Now what was I going to do? He's going to be gone and I'm going to be alone and I'm going to be selflessly living this world. Maybe I should just end it just like he did.

That would be a good idea.

I stood up and grabbed my knife exactly where I left it. The blade glinted in the light. It looked good enough. Without hesitating any longer I slashed. At least this time it was no safety razor. Damn it was so refreshing. It still smells like new coins. Yes, when I'm gone so will all my problems.

"Yugi!" I heard my name being called and myself being placed in someone's arms. Most likely Yami's since he's the only one around. Dammit. Can't he ever butt out of my business? I felt him healing me. No, this isn't what I want. I vainly tried to push myself away from him but as always it was useless since I was always the underdog in any case. Even taking my life I thought it would be so much more easier than this.

When he was finished, I had my strength replenished. I stood up and slapped him across the face.

"Dammit, why can't you just let me go?! Do you really want me tortured that much?!" I yelled out before bolting out of the room.

I couldn't get very far because he caught me from behind in the middle of the stairs. I struggled against him but it was all to no avail because I wasn't as strong as he was. I still tried to get away. Maybe jumping off a building would be better because no one would catch me.

"Let go of me," I said in between struggles. He didn't listen.

"Yugi, calm down," Yami said.

Calm down? How the hell can I calm down?? I'm being prevented from doing something that I wish to do. I kicked him in the shin but it didn't work because he just bended a knee. God why can't he just let go?

He sat down bringing me with him. His arms were still around my body holding my arms trapped between my sides. I don't want to hear anything he says. All I know is that if he kept me alive any longer he was just going to be with me with guilt. It's something I don't like!

"Yugi! Yugi, listen to me," he began sternly, "Don't do this. It isn't worth it."

"Why the hell not?!" I responded back while still trying to get out of his grip even if it is fruitlessly.

"Because Ryou's still alive."

That sentence made me stop.

He's…still…still…alive?

"How would you know?" I asked coldly.

"Because I read the note. Bakura and him are in their house at the moment. He told me Ryou was alive. Considering your kind of thinking I figured you might try something." He answered.

Dammit all to hell! Why am I always so predictable?

"Well what are your reasons for keeping me alive? You have everything you wanted."

"No I don't."

"What? You want more?"

"Yes, unfortunately."

"Unfortunately? You mean you don't want it?"

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what do you mean?"

"The one thing I want is something that is always out of my grasp. Every time I almost reach it, it always moves farther and farther away until I could catch up to it."

Lunatic.

"What do you need me to do first?" I asked. There has to be a reason why he wants me alive. I know for a fact that it isn't because he wants me here. Stupid liar. I can tell.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing."

"Well then why am I still alive and okay?"

"Because I wish for you to be here. You're the only one who actually keeps me sane."

I stopped struggling. I keep him…sane?

Dammit I give up. I sighed and leaned back with my head resting on his chest. There's always another time. I can live just for him even if it isn't real. Besides Ryou's still here.

We could die another time because…

Our will to die is much stronger than our will to live.

-Owari-

BLK Angel of Destruction: I apologize for this being very late. I think it's been a few weeks since I updated. And I'm very sorry that it's probably not as angsty as Ryou's ending. Anyways I wanna thank you reviewers and visitors! The Alternate Ending will be up probably…um… I have no idea. But rests assure people that it will be up for those of you who want the alt. end. I've already started on it.

Like it? Review! NO FLAMES!


	13. Alternate Ending: Crimson Regret

Crimson Regret

Response to reviewers:

Yami-loverOB1RAVENTHEDARKANGEL: I'm glad you liked! Thanks!

flyingshadow370: Here's the other part. The alt. Ending. Thanks!

AntiSora: Don't worry here's the sad ending that some others wanted though it's probably not that sad. Thanks!

Amber Eyes 23: Thanks!

Dark Magician Girl / Hikaru: Here's the alternate ending. I couldn't put it the quadrupal(sp?) suicide because it didn't somehow fit. I tried though. Anyways thanks!

SoulDreamer: Thanks!

Alternate Ending: Crimson Regret

Ryou's POV

Oh god, oh god, oh god…

Why can't she just shut up?

She should know that it's useless right now. I don't want to live; I don't want to be alive. I want to end it. I can see why they say she's the best. Her attitude makes people want to be thinking positively.

Well it isn't working for me.

I'm still thinking negatively. I'll just make her believe that I'm getting better so I could get out of here. The sooner the better. I get to kill myself because I don't want to live. Like they say why can't you choose when you die? It's pointless to live life when you're going to grow up, work, have kids, send your parents to the retirement house, and then die? Why bother living life, despite what people say is good about it, when you're just going to die anyways? That is a question I wish to hear being answered.

Going home is going to be a long walk for me. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to see Bakura at all. Maybe he's with Taki as always. Oh well, I don't care anymore. He can live my life for me, something I couldn't do since I was a child.

I couldn't live my life at all.

What's the point of living when you have no companionship?

I know Kaiba would be a good example but Mokuba is always there for him. That's nice. He can say that he isn't completely heartless only to the people in the outside world. People in general just stab me in the back. They never really did help me out. I wish I had a disease when I was born. Maybe then dad would've actually paid attention to me.

I always thought that I should've either never been born or at least changed in appearance. I think the only reason dad just leaves me in the middle of Japan alone is because I remind him of the wife and daughter (A/N: I don't know about him having a sister and stuff and she died with his mom so just um…bare with me hear okay?) he could've had, had they not died. Damn, I feel like crying again.

I resisted the urge because she would say something again. She'd be telling me things I don't want to hear like 'oh it's going to be okay' or 'Oh there's nothing to worry about, you're in good hands'. Good hands my ass. I'm not in good hands. If I were, the person right in front of me would actually tell my why I need to live not the reasons I should live for. It was like setting goals for my future, that would most likely not exist, that I don't even want.

Now that I think about it, she asked me what my goals for the future were. I told her that I wanted to help people live a little bit longer, you know, be a doctor. But yet here I am in some psychiatrist's office for being suicidal. You know that the police, for trying to kill yourself, could pick you up? So that's why you should do it somewhere privately not publicly, unless you want publicity, then I guess it's okay. It's like your arrested for attempted murder on yourself. Heh, isn't that funny? They can't press charges against you because they have nothing to go on. So since they have nothing to do with you then you're just being sentenced to seeing a psychiatrist daily.

God how dumb is that? Why would they take you in when you'll just be released? The higher ups are just probably looking for something to do because they're just being paid sitting on their asses with nothing to do. And we pay a lot of taxes.

Finally the session was over. I breathe a sigh of relief that I was out of there. She still didn't reckon me fit to be on the loose on my own yet. Besides no suicidal or crazy person ever will because there is no cure for this, drugs, or murder. In the end we all die. Someone killing you or you killing yourself is just that there's no one to blame except whatever we evolved from or who created us. Some people wish to be immortal but that wouldn't work because there is nothing that would make anyone immortal unless it's some destructive creature that can escape death.

Though there are some bad points to living in a period of time. For example, you'll see your family either abandon you or die as you get left behind. Friends, would either think it's cool then hate you later on as they grow or otherwise they'll just abandon you too. Then you'd wish you died. So I guess that it's good to accept what you have and what you get.

It's not like anyone cares unless it's happening to him or her, which I find very selfish. They said that they'd be your friends to the very end. That is total bullshit. No one in their heart of hearts is really willing to go the depths to protect you. You'll just see the atruth if that ever happens in your life which is most likely probably not going to happen.

You know I just thought of something the psychiatrist said.

'You probably aren't really suicidal; you're just playing around hoping that you would actually die. The fact that you're still alive proves that you don't want to die. You just want attention…'

Do you think that's real? I didn't want attention. Why does she think I isolated myself from everyone else? After she said that phrase I was willing to take that small dagger sitting on her collection set and actually go in front of her to kill myself knowing that it's her fault that she said those words. Bakura would blame her for making me do it since she provoked it. He would argue that I was proving myself to her that I was really suicidal.

But then…

…I can only dream that would happen.

He would probably just move on and I wouldn't be there. Taki is replacing me. Dad might come back and find me different. I would change from that sweet and innocent look to something a bit more sinister and maybe he would like him better. It's not use. It doesn't matter what I do or say to please my father. He wished I probably died with or in place of my mother and sister. And most of the time I wished I really did.

Maybe I should.

I can call Yugi. Maybe he wants to also.

I picked up a piece of paper and began to write.

This is for the best. It's much better if this world really did live without me. Besides the Earth itself would be rid of another burden.

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Yugi's POV

I'm so tired. I didn't get an ounce of sleep last night. If you want to know, I was thinking of something. Though I promised myself I wouldn't ponder it anymore but everyone that I've meet I couldn't seem to get out of my head.

I thought of what they did to me at the first meeting. Everything was messed up and I couldn't do anything. I was just some poor excuse for a human to even exist. Thinking of the past just made me hate myself and everyone else even more. I couldn't take it. I just wished I could die right now. I could force myself to stop breathing. The only way you could do that is by hanging yourself. But I don't want to do that. You suffer more. I don't wish to suffer anymore.

All this time I had always wished that someone would care for me and I'd be surrounded by happiness. But I always knew that it was too far away for me to reach. I can never have something like that because the person that I'm with a friend with really is thinking the same way I am. Maybe this is also guilt by association. I guess I was really fooled into thinking that someday someone would actually notice me for once. They would see what problem I had.

But then again no one gets what he or she really wants. I know that I never had anything I wanted in the first place. I'm just a human wanting attention yet doesn't want to attract any. I'm lucky I don't. They probably thought I wasn't going to do it and I actually did or at least attempted to because I wanted to. When other people think about this they hesitate because they always think about family and friends. They would just stab you in the back. You would never be free. You would always be stuck in the same place doing the same routine for years.

It'll just be like you're just trying to get by everyday.

Do you want to live like that?

It seems like the more people you have in your lives the more problems you have. You have to deal with this and that and you're always the center of things. People would blame you for disasters that you can't really fix all at once. I know I wouldn't be able to. It's too much work. But we're getting off topic here.

Yes, maybe I should just end it all. I will prove that I'm not 'playing around' with death because I keep saying it. I'm going to prove Ryou's psychiatrist wrong. Besides it's her words against us dead guys. Though they would just file it suicide not murder. You know sometimes words can get you in a lot of trouble. That's why I never say anything.

But it doesn't matter. Everything is hopeless anyways. There's nothing to appreciate. There's nothing I can appreciate since I've never really made any accomplishments. Even if I did I'm the only one who knows if I made them or not. And I prefer it that way. I never did like the spotlight.

I should call Ryou. Maybe he'd want to leave this world too.

Before I could pick up the phone, it rang.

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Ryou's POV

I heard the phone ring as I dialed it on the other side. I was hoping Yugi would pick up and Viola! He did.

"Hello?" I heard his voice drift through the phone.

"Hey," I said simply.

"Oh hey Ryou, I was just about to call you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I just wanted to ask you something if that's okay with you."

"Sure it is."

"Can you meet me at the place we always met to talk?"

"Yeah, when?"

"Maybe in about five minutes. I'll see you then."

"Okay, bye."

I hung up. I wonder what he was going to talk to me about. The thing I worried about was that he would actually say he wanted to live and would try to convert me. That I would never permit. I would've just said that my psychiatrist brainwashed him with her words. But then again it would be my fault because I'm the one who told him of the sessions I had with her.

But if that's what he wants then I guess I'll just do it alone. It's not like anyone would care if I went away. I have nothing to live for. My dad is always out and Bakura…

I can dream can't I?

It doesn't matter. It's hopeless to me. There's nothing I can believe in now. No one is willing to help me. The psychiatrist is using reverse wording on me so she could get her job done quicker but I'm not that stupid or naïve. I guess I gotta go right now if I want to make it in time so Yugi wouldn't think I was ditching him. I folded the note and set it where someone, who actually pays attention to detail, would find it. I grabbed my razor blade on the way out.

I have a feeling that I'm going to need it.

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Yugi's POV

I walked to our usually meeting place. It's where we always meet if we wish to talk. It's some old house that's been abandoned. We stay over sometimes when it isn't to cold because the house is broken. No one's been in there yet except for us. It was a perfect place. I looked at my blade as it shone through its hilt. I might need this today incase Ryou's psychiatrist made him a positive person again, which I believe is a big treachery. He better not have. Otherwise I'll pound three hours of bent up frustration in his ear. And I tell ya, it's not a pretty sight.

But it doesn't matter what. I'll just be dead five minutes later. It didn't matter what happened it was going to be today. Otherwise I'm going to regret this later in my life even if I'm living a great white lie. I arrived at the old house and wasn't surprised to not see Ryou there since he doesn't live as close as I do. I went inside and sat on the ruined carpet. At least it was soft to either lay on or sit on. But we never lay on it if we sleep here overnight. We just bring our sleeping bags.

A minute later Ryou entered. He was hesitant about something and almost seemed so nervous. I wonder why he called. Is it for the same reason or is it something that I'm wishing wouldn't happen? I looked at him and smiled one of my most famous fake smiles. He just smiled back too. I guess one of his also famous fake smiles. He sat down beside me.

It was silent for a moment.

"Is there something you wanted to ask me?" I asked him since it was he who called me first.

"Um…well…" he began. He was a little nervous but why? He knows that he could tell me anything.

"It's just that I… Do you remember when my doctor said that we were just playing around because we're still alive?"

"Yeah and what?"

"I just wanted to…"

"Prove her wrong?"

"Yes and no. I just can't take it and I wish that I thought of this before instead of suffering another day in this world where everything is non-existent. And I don't know if you wanted to or not but I know I am."

He pulled out his blade and grasped it in his hand tightly. So he was thinking the same thing I was. It's amazing that we think so much alike. I grasped his hand that was around the handle of the blade snapping him out of his trance. I looked at him in understanding. It had to be today because…

It seemed like death is the only way out of this long dark tunnel of pain…

And that is just what we're going to do be it together or separately…

We would be on our way out of this long shadowy tunnel.

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Normal POV

The note on the kitchen counter was picked up. The person opened it and read the contents. It read:

_To whoever finds this, _

_When you begin reading this I have already been long gone. As my life continued I noticed that it didn't seem to be going right for me. And as I was being told differently I realized that I was just dreaming a lifelong dream that wasn't real. I needed to be released. I needed to feel alive because I always felt like I was dead even if I am thinking I'm alive. I just couldn't take the pain and guilt over my heart that has been there since I learned what emotions meant. Now I understand them. I've been told that I was pretending, pretending and playing around with death thinking I'm going to die. But this time there is no playing around. This time it is for real. This is reality… _

_Signed, _

_-Anonymous _

The holder dropped the paper to the floor in shock. As the person sunk to their knees, tears began to form from their eyes as the truth of reality hit them real hard. There was no turning back. There was no way to reverse time.

This time…

There are no second chances.

-Owari-

BLK Angel of Destruction: Yes! I finally finished the Alt End. I thought I was not going to do it. And I'm sorry it was so short than the other two endings because this one is a combined one and there was no need to write so long oh and I apologize if there wasn't that much angstyness. But anyways thanks for your reviews!They kept me going! Tell me what you think!

Like it? Review! NO FLAMES!


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